strangers

I met a man today when I went to get some coffee with Bekah. We were sitting on the couch, and he just so happened to place his Humanities textbook down on the table next to us. This was how we met. I asked him if he was a student or professor in the class. He answered by saying that he was trying to be the teacher. We talked for a brief bit, asking a lot of questions about his name, birthday, and classes. He answered them kindly with a smile on his face, and we both went back to what we were doing. It wasn’t long before Abbey sat down, so Bekah went over to the professor’s table to talk to him. As Abbey and I were talking about student teaching, I overheard Bekah describing people, places, and passions to our new friend. I didn’t hear much else of the conversation, but I knew it must be interesting if they were talking about something that I had previously told Bekah about. I actually got people, places, and passions from Mr. Svoboda in San Francisco. While I was there, I never really thought about what those words meant, but they seem to becoming clearer in my head as I learn more about myself in Cedar Falls. Abbey left to go to Orange Elementary School, so I went to sit with the professor and Bekah at the table. There conversation was, in fact, a very interesting one. I can’t remember what the exact topic was when I sat down, but I remember Bekah got up right when I sat down to go talk to Molly. I was left there, so I began to tell John about my experiences in San Francisco. He was stationed there near Hunters Point when he was in the Navy. I told him about my travels, and things seemed to go from there. Bekah came back to join us, and the conversation immediately took off. Over the course of 2 or 3 hours, the three of us talked about everything that has been going through my mind during the past few weeks. We talked about books, beliefs, demons, college, experiences, everything. The entire time, the professor treated Bekah and I as if we were all equals. Both of us thought that was extra special because it’s not often that an adult will sit and listen to two college students and hear them out with non-judgmental ears. Bekah and I started talking about spiritual warfare and original sin. The professor kept asking questions and telling stories. We talked about death, and each of us gave examples of God-moments in our own lives where it seems as if angels have stepped in briefly to save our lives. We talked about books like Steppenwolf, Brave New World, Screwtape Letters, and the Bible; each of these books being prevalent in our daily lives. The discussion was so amazing. All of us kept saying how we couldn’t believe that it was actually happening. It was as if God placed us there next to John on purpose. He was encouraging to us in ways that I have never experienced from anybody, let alone a university professor. He listened intently to everything I said, and he didn’t call me crazy. In fact, it seemed as if we had a lot of similar thoughts. I feel as if I’m describing the conversation unjustly because it was so good and filled with so many good things that I don’t know how to properly describe it. It was simply unbelievable. At the end of the talk, Bekah gave both John and me cards she had made for us; his being a happy birthday card and mine was sort of a thank you. It was sad to end the talk, but we had realized that our cars were definitely about to be towed because we were in two hour parking. After John left, Bekah and I could not get over how perfect everything seemed in that moment. We were two kids feeling more important than ever before. We planned on meeting with John again, but I don’t know if it can be like it was today. It was too perfect. Words from mewithoutYou and As Cities Burn are flying through my mind right now; words that aren’t my own, but ones that occupy my thoughts. These are thoughts about life and death, and the difference between living and existing. Some of my thoughts are questions that can never be answered, but that’s ok. As John reassured me today, some questions just can’t be answered here, and that’s ok.

Hello

This is my first post, ever. I've spent most of my life being opposed to blogs because thoughts are personal. They still are personal, but life cannot be lived alone. So here is my blog. One of my professors asked me today if I blog. When I got home, I decided that it was time to start, so people can here what I have to say, as if it's something important or interesting. Hopefully interesting to somebody. I guess I can start off with the only thing on my mind right now. It's an essay topic I've been thinking about recently: I am not a fish. Read it however you like. I think it's sort of autobiographical.

Not a real one at least. I may be a fish in the sense that I was once caught by a fisherman, but even then, was I ever caught or was I born into the fisherman's possession from day one? Did the fisherman claim me as his from the start? Did I have a choice? Maybe, maybe not. Either way, I was caught, and I'm still caught. I'm not a fish though. I was just caught by somebody calling themselves a fisherman. I don't need a fish on my car to remind me or tell anybody else that I was caught. Shouldn't my actions tell them that? Not a metal symbol on the back of my car. I'm not judging people who put the fish on their car, I'm just saying that faith should be more than that symbol.
A friend of mine named Cody Bonnette once asked me, "If we are the body, how did a pretty man get so ugly?" What does that mean? It means that we are supposed to be who we say we are, or, in the case of the fish, who are cars say we are. So why do I get the stink eye when I say that I'm a liberal, or a vegetarian, or that I am anti-war? Why am I called crazy for thinking that evil people can change? Why do I have hope for a peaceful future? Isn't that what Jesus talked about? Was he a Republican? I don't think so, and I don't think he was a Democrat either. I think he had much bigger things on his mind than political parties. Things like eternal salvation? Life is more than who you vote for or who you hang out with. Life is more than what you eat or what translation of the Bible you read. Life is a gift with a purpose, which is hindered by meaningless arguments spawned from expectations created by fictitious members of society. It is an opportunity, and I know that I only get it once. Take advantage of it. Be yourself, be happy, be loving, be a little Jesus.
I'm not singling out people who eat meat, or call themselves conservative, or support the US war in Afghanistan. I'm singling about everybody. I'm singling about myself. Where do our beliefs come from? What have we grown to accept because it has been socially acceptable for too long? Maybe it's time that we throw out spoon-fed ideas. It's time to start living our own lives, our own Biblical lives mirroring Jesus' example. It's time to start seeking Truth to guide us through the day instead of something else. As long as we're following that Truth, who cares how we do it? I can be a socialist, vegetarian, who opposes guns, and reads the Message, and you can be whatever you like too. Just make sure you are following Jesus. What do I know, though? I make just as many mistakes as you do. I'm nowhere near perfect. I want to love Jesus, though. I want to show others that Jesus loves them too. My name is Thomas Michael David Panicucci, and I am not a fish.

I wrote that in a car ride home from Colorado a couple days ago. I hope it pushes you. I hope you feel challenged. By no means are these holy words, but I think that they were inspired.

So how was that for my first post? If at least one of you liked it, then it was worth it. I'll let you know more about me soon.

love life love God,
Thomas