I have a secret for you: I love to write this blog. Actually, it's more like a confession. You see, I really like to write because it makes me feel good. I sit on my hard, uncomfortable wooden chair in my dimly lit room, listening to my roommate blast Hindi music out of his headphones so loud that I think sometimes his ears will explode, but none of that matters because what I'm doing makes me feel good. I like to think that there are tons of people everywhere reading what I write (although I know there aren't), and I also like to think that my words are making a difference to somebody. All day, I think about what to write. I mean, it's not the only thing I'm thinking about, but the thought is always there, somewhere. Everything I read, hear, watch, see can somehow be used. That's what I tell myself, at least.
BUT, this is no longer a secret; it's a confession. It's a confession because I am focusing entirely too much on me. When I'm sitting on my bed reading Acts, I'm thinking, "Ok, now how I can apply this to my own life? or What can I get out of this that I could possibly write about?" Those questions may be ok, but shouldn't reading Acts, or any other book, be about meeting God? Isn't that the purpose of that collection of holy books? Getting to know the person, being, thing that created us and died for us in order that we may never die but actually live forever? Too often, I make the Bible about me. I form it to my own life not the life of the Person it's written about. So, that brings me back to this blog. I write this blog because I like to feel important. I like the idea of people reading what I write. I love the thoughts that I have sometimes that maybe my words are showing people Jesus. Those may not sound like bad things to you guys, but you should know, they aren't good things to me. If you know me well, then you know I carry around several sets of words, in various ways, with me everyday. You may not know what they are, because sometimes I like to keep secrets, but they are phrases that are very important to me. I could fill your ears with quotes, lyrics, words that I've picked up along the way that I think are wonderful, but the ones I carry with me are my very favorite. They have a theme, and that is: it's not really about you, Thomas.
So, if you put all of these words in this entry together, you can see my problem. You should be able to see why I am confessing to you. I don't expect you to forgive me or say, "Oh, it's no big deal holmes."
I just wanted you to know because I think that this is THE problem with the world today. Ok, maybe not the biggest problem, but definitely a big one. We think too much about ourselves and our own glory. For example, I was recently in an intermediate level German course that went very well. The reason it went so well was because all of us students got along. We were friends, working together, not competing against each other. The class above us was a little different. They were an upper level class, and they were all about competition. The students were vying for the professor's attention with every sentence because of their desire to move up another level. Rather than working together and helping everyone, the students worked against each other by only working for themselves. You see this everywhere, especially when it comes to money. It's always US vs. them. There is always a winner and a loser, and we always want to be the winner. We want the best. We want to be recognized. We have to win. Why do we have to win? What do we have to win? Maybe you could get a higher-paying job or a cuter girlfriend or something like a gold medal, but can you keep those forever? Instead of there being a winner and a loser, can't there just be people working together? If that happens, doesn't everybody win?
Ok, I realize that sometimes I say things that may not make any sense to you. You may be wondering why any of this matters. You may be telling yourself, this kid is nuts because he actually thinks that there is life after death. Or maybe you're just saying this is stupid. Who knows, maybe this is stupid.
This post is getting long, so I'll wrap it up nice and neat. If you are living a life of competition against everybody else, ask yourself what you're gaining from it. Maybe you are just trying to be the smartest person in class or continually telling all of the people around you about your new car. Those are stupid examples, but you understand. If you are trying to beat other people, I think you're the one losing. You can't gain, win, or achieve anything more valuable than Love. Try starting every day by telling yourself the words 'to God be the glory'. We aren't deserving of any of it. I don't deserve anything. This blog is just a bunch of words. Everything good comes from Him.
My semester classes start this week in Klagenfurt. I forgot to say that. Tell me how you're doing. Have a great week.
"Once we've really discovered how to love our neighbor as ourself, capitalism won't be possible and Marxism won't be necessary." -somebody
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