new

Wonderful people, I decided it's time to write again. It's been nearly 5 months since my last post about my arrival in America. I talked about an adventure; a journey. I wrote that the adventure was just starting a new chapter, like I knew for certain that it would be continuing. Truth is, I was pretty scared that coming back here was going to be the end of me--the me that had been me for the previous 7 months. If that makes sense.

Either way, it's 5 months later. It's cold, and the ground is covered with snow and ice. It's December, and I've almost made it through the semester. That part of my life seems to be consuming the others right now as I prepare myself for the final week. It's just school, though. My life is more than just school.

The point of this post is just to let you, the people out there who may stumble upon this, know that I will be returning. These 5 months have gone fast, but at times, they've seemed been grueling. They've felt vague and empty. In general, there has been a lack of meaning. That is, until recently because there are people in my life that don't give up; as I'm sure there are in yours.

I will talk to you soon friends. I love you all. Enjoy the snow and smile.

USA

Hello everybody, I made it back to the United States. Last Tuesday, I said my final goodbyes to the last of my remaining friends in Klagenfurt as I boarded a train to Vienna. It's seemed so crazy that my time there was over, but I think that's how it always seems at the end of something great. If there is any consolation in something like that ending, it is believing in the possibility that something even more magical is about to happen. Those positive thoughts about the future were in my head during the train ride, but they took a back seat to the thoughts of reflection on what I had just done for the past 6 months of my life. A lot of amazing things popped up in that reflecting, but it was really killer to be alone in that train car.

When I left Klagenfurt, I started a new journey that was going to last 3 days, 3 countries, 3 states, and 4 forms of transportation. I took a train to Vienna, where a bus was waiting to take me to the airport. Then I stayed the night in Vienna at a hotel across the street from the airport. At dinner that night, I went to check out prices at the few restaurants in the airport, and as I was reading one menu, a familiar face popped up next to me. Sitting at the table next to me was a man I was used to seeing only on the beach in a swimsuit. David Hasselhof was there, but I was too hungry to talk to him or ask for an autograph.

The next day, my plane left Vienna and landed in Düsseldorf, and 10 hours later, I landed in Chicago. A friend of mine named Jordan picked me up from O'Hare and drove me to Milwaukee because I was going to stay with my sister Megan there. Instead of walking into her apartment to see just Josh, I saw a small little angel. Zoe was there to surprise me along with the rest of my family. We spent the night at a crazy restaurant straight from a horror movie, and the next day we went to the zoo. It was really wonderful to see all of their lovely faces on my first day back in the country. My journey wasn't over though, because the next day, I was flying again from Milwaukee to San Francisco.

San Francisco was my final destination because two friends of mine from YWAM were getting married. I was excited not only because this was the first wedding I was able to attend of a friend of mine, but also because I was going to spend the next two weeks in San Francisco, a city I really love a lot. I think it will be nice to spend my time adjusting to being in America while I'm in this city.

Every time I come here, it seems as if a part of me wakes up that has been asleep for awhile. It's like a breath of fresh air, and it's usually necessary. Soon enough, I will be back in Cedar Falls, and school will start. The crazy adventure will seem as if it has ended, but I know that it will not. I know that it won't because this crazy adventure is all just part of the story title Thomas Panicucci. I'm reading Donald Miller's new book, and it's all about stories. It's about living a life that is worthy of being called a story. That means actually living and creating, not just existing.

I want to live because otherwise I'd be bored.

Hanging out with Dante

Hello my faithful followers (sounds kind of like a cult leader, but i like it anyways), I am currently in Vienna. Across the street is the airport, where I will be boarding a plane to Düsseldorf in 14 hours. You see, today is my last day in Europe. Tomorrow I'll be arriving in Chicago where a friend of mine is picking me up and taking me to Milwaukee. I get to see my sister Megan for a couple hours in Milwaukee, and then I continue my journey to the West Coast. That's the future, though. Right now I'm in a place I think is similar to Purgatory. I'm neither here nor there. I'm in a hotel room by myself after having said goodbye to the last of my friends this morning in Klagenfurt. I'm planning on watching the soccer game this evening to pass some time, but that's about it. Tomorrow morning will be very early with my alarm set at 4:30. I'll land in Chicago some time tomorrow afternoon, and I imagine it will be strange. My experience in England was crazy because it was the first time in a couple months that I could understand everything. I can't imagine what it's going to be like in America when I will even be able to understand the people on the street because they're not talking in a crazy accent. Anyways, the point is that it's going to be weird. I guess I'm ready for it, though. I just want to leave this middle place I'm in right now. I'll let you know what's up in a couple days. It's time to rest and remember what just happened to me over the past 6 months. What a crazy time. I hate to think of the idea of me over time forgetting people, places, and events, but I know that no matter what, the experiences will be mine forever. What a crazy semester.

Soccer, Football, Fußball

The countdown of my time in Austria is coming ever closer to its end. In the past week, my semester exams came and passed, and I saw the United States get knocked out of the World Cup. In spite of the loss, it was great to see the positive effect the team had on a newly-fashioned soccer nation. I did my part from across the sea by cheering loud and being the lone singer of the national anthem among 1000s of Austrians and Germans, a couple Brits found their way into the crowd too. That's right, I stood up and sang our country's song in Klagenfurt's main square where the games are being shown live on a huge screen with lots of local vendors supplying food and drinks. It was fun, and for the first time in awhile, I felt happy to be American. It's not often that I say that, but I guess that's what soccer, football, Fußball does to you.

Other than the World Cup and school, I've been trying to prepare myself for my return back to the US. Of course, I haven't started packing or anything, but I'm getting ready mentally. It's going to be strange, but I think it will be great. For a long time, I kept telling myself that I didn't want to go back. My life in Klagenfurt is wonderful. It's been similar to a 6-month vacation, so I guess it's time for it to end.

In a couple days, I have to move out of my dorm because my time is up. I will then have 7 days with all of my stuff and no place to stay. I might make a trip with a friend of mine to Ljubljana and Venice, but who knows. These 6 months have been an adventure of unknowns, and those 7 days are a great way to end a semester of confusion. I'm excited to see both Ljubljana and Venice because they are so close to Klagenfurt. It's only a couple hours trip to both cities by bus. The weather is really perking up too, so it will be a great last week in Europe.

Lastly, I have to report on the most important thing that happened to me recently. I got the chance to Skype with my family yesterday before the soccer game. This was an extra special conversation, though, because there was a special guest in the office on the other side of the screen. When the video chat started to work, a big smile, with lots of teeth too, greeted me from a very little girl. Zoe was there with her little pig tails. We talked, and at the end, she blew me kisses and gave me a big virtual hug. It doesn't get much better than that. If there is one thing easing my return back to Iowa, it's her big smile. Unfortunately, it is still one month before I get back to Cedar Falls. Before I go back, I imagine a lot of crazy things will happen as I travel around.



10 days. That's it, 10 days. I can't believe it.

Smile

I like to smile, and I often end my posts with a short message telling you guys to smile. Whether you smile buy yourself in your room or to a stranger on the street, you are probably helping somebody with the simple beauty. I found this article on a friend of mine's page, and I think it's worth reading. Smiles really are great, and they really do save

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/37670329/ns/world_news/.

3 weeks left in Austria. Crazy.

Hello Hello

Hey hey, I found 100 euro on the ground today at school. It was great because I found it right before I gave a presentation about Iowa (I think everybody wants to visit now). I was supposed to go to Venice last week, but a life-threatening illness (just a bad cold) kept me from swimming through the gondola-filled canals. We had the hostel booked and train tickets bought, so it was a big bummer. Oh well.

I would like to be telling you guys about something exciting I did since the last time I wrote, but there is really nothing to write. Since last Tuesday, I have been forced to stay inside by one of my friends in order to get healthy. It's taken quite some time, and I've been pretty bored for the past week, but I'm finally starting to get better. I need to get better by the weekend because my crazy friend Michael DiMarco is finally coming to Klagenfurt on Friday. He is studying in Italy, and if you've read my blog for awhile, you know that I went to visit him in February. I'm very excited that he's going to come see Austria.

I guess there is one little thing I could tell you about. I went swimming yesterday for the first time in a long time. Klagenfurt is located on a huge lake called the Wörthersee. The crazy thing is that you have to pay to swim in the lake or even lay on the beach. I'm not down with paying for things like beaches (or toilets), so some friends and I went to a little-known river that leads into the lake. It was a hot day, and the sun was shining, so I decided to swim despite being sick. The water was absolutely freezing, but it was a blast. The river was spotted with groups of people also unwilling to pay the fee to enter the beach. There was a tree to jump off of and a rope swing, which we put to great use.

No, that's not me in the bikini. Nor is it me in the water underneath. I'm somewhere else, but those are two friends of mine. We swam for awhile, realized the water was really really cold, then went to the park to enjoy the rest of the sun. I think it was the sun that started my recovery. Everybody needs the sun. It makes you happier. Nobody should ever say their goodbyes to the sun.

That's all for my short update. Actually, here is something I wrote a couple days ago that maybe you would like to read:

One of the things I've been realizing lately, through a number of friendships and experiences, is that no matter how far apart we live, how much our cultures differ, or how different our languages are, it's not the differences that our pulling this world apart, rather, it's the commonalities that are holding us all together.

We need each other in order to live, just like we need the sun. According to my Mother, who paraphrases Alexander Supertramp, happiness is only real when shared. Thank you Mom. I love you. Have a good week.

BUDA BUDA BUDA

Sehr geehrte Damen und Herren! I went to Budapest. Some friends and I decided to rent a car and take a long weekend to reward ourselves for all of the hard work we were putting in at the university (we're actually not doing any hard work, ever). But, we found some good deals on a rental car and an apartment in the city center, so we capitalized on the opportunity. We chose to go last weekend because it was a holiday weekend. If you've ever lived in Austria, you should know that there is at least one holiday what seems like every week. Holidays mean no university classes, and we usually go somewhere on the days we have off.

I went with three friends, two girls from Ireland and one guy from England. The drive was a short 5 hours for the American, but it seemed to be devastatingly long for the Islanders who could cover their whole country in that amount of time. We eventually arrived, got lost, asked for directions, received no directions due to our inability to speak Hungarian, yet somehow pulled up to our apartment perfectly on time without a clue how we got there. The flat was wonderful because it had a bathroom, two large beds, a full kitchen, and a beautiful balcony where we spent most mornings and evenings eating home-cooked meals.

The day after we arrived, we wandered through the beautiful architecture of some enormous buildings, which included embassies, hotels, castles, cathedrals, and parliament. I know that probably sounds like every European capital city, and it is, but Budapest is particularly beautiful because of it's location on the Danube River. The view of the river is really something from atop the hill on the Buda side of the city looking toward Pest. I think the two sides were named Buda, for the rich people on the high side of the river, and Pest, for the poor people on the low side. Maybe I just made that up, or somebody made it up and told me.

I think that somebody famous wrote a song about the view of the Danube in Budapest, so it's gotta be beautiful, right? The next day we started out by wandering again, but soon found ourselves caught in the storm of storms, so we took refuge in a restaurant that we thought looked nice. The unfortunate thing was that the restaurant we found was rather expensive, and in order to stay out of the rain, we had to order. Oh well, Budapest's currency is worth considerably less than the Euro. After the storm passed, we headed home.

Most of our time in Budapest was spent in our apartment either eating something unhealthy or drinking tea (the British love tea). We also went out to explore the nightlife one night. Being in the city center, we thought it would be fairly easy to find a place to hang out, and it was. Across the street from our apartment was some sort of outdoor entertainment place. It looked friendly from the outside, so we went in and found out that it was the exact opposite. The unfriendliness of the place that appeared to be so nice turned our smiles upside down, so we decided to go home. At the foot of our apartment building, one of the girls noticed that there was some sort of club/disco filled with people inside. After walking through the security, which consisted of huge men big enough to block the entire doorway with just one body, I felt like I was in a movie. There were crazy lights, music pushing out the walls and windows with every thump, and people who come out from the woodwork at night after spending the entire day sleeping due to their last party. It was like a movie.

After 3 days, the rental car had to be returned, so we made the journey back to Austria. I got the opportunity to drive, even though none of us was sure if it was legal. It was fun, though. The others were tired, so we figured it was best to have the one awake person driving. I got nervous, however, at the Hungarian-Slovenian border because I wasn't wearing any shoes, so we had to switch back. The driving was fun while it lasted, even if I wasn't supposed to be doing it.

The trip to Budapest was one of the longer trips I've made since I've been here, because I usually only go out for a day or two, but it actually seemed quite short. The highlight of the trip was definitely the balcony. We spent many hours sitting in the sun, watching our neighbors across the way, and chatting about our experiences in Klagenfurt. All of our times here our coming soon to an end, and there is a general feeling going around the exchange students that we don't want it to end. Like any good thing, the ends always seem to come too soon. Our main topic of conversation on the balcony was exactly that, how much fun we've had in Austria. Not only have we had fun, but we have loved life. I'm sure that this will be a common theme in my writing from now until the end of the semester, so I will leave space and time for me to think. I have a little over a month left here before I return to the United States. I plan on making the most of it with new friends in new places. Ciao.

Bled

Yesterday, I went to Bled. My friend Tim Dodd is here in Klagenfurt right now. He's enjoying himself on a 3 week tour of Europe, traveling the whole way in a rental car. The nice thing about a car is, you don't have scheduled departures and arrivals like plains, trains, and buses. We woke up yesterday and decided to drive somewhere. He's taking photos along the way, so we chose to go to Bled, a city less than an hour away from here, but just happens to be in a different country, Slovenia. We weren't sure about the legalities of bringing the rental car into Slovenia, but we went anyways. The trip started at 11 am, and I had to be back by 2 pm in order to finish writing an essay. The drive was beautiful, passing through the Alps along the Loiblpass. I would highly recommend taking that pass if you ever get the chance because your mind will be blown by the beauty of mountains and hillsides unlike anything you've ever seen. We arrived in Bled, took some pictures of a castle at a lake, then turned around to get back to Austria. The trip was short, but it's pretty cool to arrive at class and say that you were in a different country that morning. I like it, at least.

16. Mai

Sorry sorry sorry. It's been two weeks since my last post, and I've received several messages asking for updates. I'm always surprised by how many people actually read what I write. It really puts a smile on my face when I get an email from someone saying anything about my blog, so thank you for the feedback (even if it's just you telling me that I need to write).

I can tell you that life in Austria is not slowing down at all, and the speed is picking up with the end of the semester looming in the distance, which seems to be creeping closer and closer everyday. One of the main reasons that the time here is flying by is because of the seemingly ever-constant movement of my body. I'm always going here and there, to one country or another, to football tournaments and practice, and to class. I'm not actually spending that much time on the campus, rather, I'm moving around it a lot. My most recent adventure was a trip this past week to Bratislava...the capital of Slovakia...the unlucky half of what used to be Czechoslovakia...a country you've probably heard of but had no idea that it was split up and the capital is now Bratislava.

Some of you may have heard of Bratislava because of a film that came out within the past few years, Hostel. It's a film about youth traveling through Europe, who decide to spend some time in a little-known city called Bratislava. They stay in a hostel, which eventually turns out to be the worst decision of their lives because crazy scary people are waiting at the hostel to kidnap them and kill them. Nice, huh? It's a fairly grotesque film, so I don't really recommend it. This film was the only picture of Bratislava in my mind when I arrived in the Hlavna Stanica (main train station). You may be asking why I decided to go, and the answer is simple: I had a free return train ticket from a friend. Why not?

After exiting the station, I searched for the correct cable car I needed to get to my own hostel. I must've had a confused look upon my face, or maybe I just looked innocent and naive, because a strange man, carrying nothing but little slips of paper in a large duffel bag, asked me if I was interested in finding a hostel. Upon hearing his question, I pondered the possibility of the film actually being true, but I decided it was best not to see the truth for myself. I politely told him no and headed off in a direction that I only knew was away from him. I thought that was a great start to my trip to Bratislava.

The thing about Bratislava is, it was under Communist control for quite some time. The roots of that so-called equality can still be seen today in the dullness of the buildings, the public transportation straight out of Orson Well's 1984, and the lack of life in the people walking the streets. Everything was a bit cold and unfriendly. I'm sure the people were great, but they looked like they'd rather stay inside in stare at the wall all day than crack a smile every once in awhile.

We wondered the streets, snapping photos of old buildings, strange statues of humans placed randomly throughout the city, and groups of teenagers celebrating their high school graduation. It was a quaint city with not much of an atmosphere. Nonetheless, it was beautiful, something very different than anything I'd seen before.

Only two day were spent there, before we headed home. As we waited to see which track our train was, the same man approached us with the empty duffel bag. He asked us the same question without a hint of recognition, as if we were blank faces with a mouth to speak and money to give. Strange. The trip was short, but sweet.

We made it back to Klagenfurt in time for the final leg of the University Football (Soccer) Tournament, in which my team was lucky enough to have made it to the quarterfinals. In our quarterfinal game, we played against a team from Chechnya, barely pulling through with a win after two halves, two overtimes, and five penalty kicks. The semifinal round was against a team of refugees from Afghanistan. Again, we squeaked by with a close 1-0 win. For the first time ever, the dorm I was playing with made it to the finals. Our opponents were a group of Austrian-Slovenians (I felt like it was a mini-World Cup with participants from every continent, including whole teams from Slovenia, Germany, India, Afghanistan, Chechnya, and Austria). Our streak ended in the final, losing 3-0, but it was great to participate in such a tournament.

My movement does not stop here, though. In a couple days, I will be renting a car and driving to Budapest, Hungary. I'm traveling with 2 friends from Ireland and a crazy guy from England. We will be staying for a long weekend, returning to Klagenfurt for a couple days, then I will be making my way to Venice, maybe Berlin. Crazy traveling. I may also be seeing a couple friends of mine in the next couple weeks. Two of them are making separate vacations throughout Europe, and one is studying in Italy. So much to do, so much to see, and so little time left. Before you know it, I will be back in Cedar Falls. So fast. I wish all of you a wonderful week, and remember to smile.

Osterferien pt. 2

I realized today that I forgot to tell you about the second part of my Easter vacation. I remembered because I was in Munich this morning, which seems to be a fairly common place for me to be recently even though it's 5 hours away from Klagenfurt. I was only there for the airport, though, on my way to Herrnhut, Germany for the weekend.

I left off telling you about my Dad and I in Munich at the concentration camp. We left Munich the next day to head off to Salzburg. I was excited because it was the first time I was going to ride on the high-speed train. I had never been on one before because they are the expensive ones, and I always choose the cheapest option. Luckily, my dad was there, so we took the fast one. We spent one day in Salzburg walking around, sitting in the sun, and mostly just relaxing. That night, we met up with a friend of my Dad's, who he had met during a pilgrimage in Assisi, Italy 5 years ago. This was the fun part of Salzburg, at least for me. I don't know how they did it 5 years ago in Italy, but the only way for the two to communicate to each other was through me. It was my first experience translating for people in an actual conversation. Of course, there were things that I couldn't get from one language to the other, but it was fun anyways. We spent the evening with him, then headed off to Vienna in the morning.

Fun again. We took the high speed train one more time. I think it was traveling around 200 km/h. You can try to figure that out for yourself in mph. Vienna was absolutely beautiful. The weather was magnificent, which made for a couple nice days walking around the city, viewing the palaces, enjoying the parks, and wandering through the market. The city was seriously amazing. If you ever get the chance, you should visit it. After two nights in Vienna, we headed off to my hometown of Klagenfurt.

Klagenfurt is the capital of the state of Carinthia, but it is an awfully small town, meaning there's nothing really to do. I showed him the highlights of the city, and we headed back off to Munich in the morning. Our last day was spent walking around Munich again. This time we took no free tours, we just relaxed. My dad left the next morning, and I stayed in Munich for a couple more hours waiting for my train.

The whole two weeks were amazing, and I can't say that I ever expected to spend a week in Europe with my dad. I consider myself very lucky to even be able to have the chance to do that. We learned a lot about the dark history of Nazi Germany, saw quite a few century-old palaces from distant empires, enjoyed hours in the sun on the grass, and filled our bellies quite graciously.

My last couple hours by myself in Munich were spent exploring parts of the city we didn't see. My walk ended, however, at the very place where our free tour had once ended. It was a square where Hitler used to hold demonstrations. On one end of the square was a stage, guarded by two massive stone lions. To the left of the stage stands a large cathedral, and to the right stands the government. We were told how the leader used to rally the crowd with powerful words spoken from that very spot on the stage, so I went up to see what it was like for myself. Standing there, it was easy to see how a feeling of power could be absorbed from the pulsing crowd. There wasn't even anybody in the square cheering for me, but it was still evident. I walked down the steps of the stage towards the center of the square and thought about what it must've been like to stand in the crowd during those speeches. The words were presented perfectly, so perfectly that even the opposition bowed to the evil that spoke them. I looked up at the stage, and a song came to my mind. It's a song called "Pain" by Aaron Strumpel. The end of the song says:

It's just around the corner, when every knee will bow,
and the freedom will come.
It's just around the corner, when You'll come in the clouds,
and pain will be no more.

I imagined that the stage was once filled with a voice of pure evil, but someday soon, that evil will be replaced by the Voice of love. Someday soon, that square will be filled again with a crowd, and the people will be bowing. They will be bowing because the Voice will be taking away pain, hurt, loneliness, anger, fear, evil. It won't be just that square either, it will be every square on earth filled with all of us imperfect people. I have hope that that day will be very soon, and when it comes, there will be nothing better.

Castle

Hey, somehow I made it back to that magical castle I was telling you guys about a couple months ago. Remember, the one in a little village in Germany? I'm there again, and it's still amazing. It's completely different, though, because the last time I was here was in January. There was a lot of snow. Now, the weather is beautiful, and the people in the castle seem to be even more beautiful than before. I'm spending the weekend here then heading back down to Klagenfurt. Just thought I'd let you know that I'm back in Narnia. Auf Wiedersehen!

Osterferien

So, I guess I should tell you guys what I've been doing for the past two weeks. I've been away from Klagenfurt. Over the past 2 weeks, I visited 5 beautiful cities in 3 amazing countries, and I got to see and meet many wonderful people, including a few Iowans. It was one of the most fabulous trips I've ever had because it was filled with many things I never expected to experience.

The reason I went on this trip was because my school had two weeks off for Easter. Studying in a country dominated by Catholicism is a very nice thing when it comes to breaks for religious holidays. I started off my vacation by moving out of my old room. All of the students in my dorm were told to pack up our stuff and move to the building next door. The thing about the building next door is that it is brand new. Sometimes I fear that the building is going to raise off the ground and fly away because it seems to me like I'm living in a spaceship. It's the most technologically-advanced dormitory I've ever seen, but that isn't necessarily a good thing. The building is filled with technological ideas that some guy thought of behind a desk but never actually realized that people would be living there. I mean, I don't need a safe in my room, and I definitely don't need to be protected by 3 levels of security in order for somebody to get into my room. I could go on describing the silliness of the building, but you'd get bored. The point is, I moved into a new room right before I left. A couple days after I moved, I was on a plane to London Stanstead with a British friend of mine also named Tom. He took me around London for a couple days before we parted ways. He headed to Oxford to visit his girlfriend, and I stayed in London. I had never been to London, and I will say that it was a major culture shock. You wouldn't think that, but after being in a German-speaking country for the past 3 months, it was weird to be in a place that spoke English, weird English. I made the joke that I would need a translator, and at times, that was a true statement. After I split ways with Tom, I headed to a friend from high school's dorm. The next day, I got to see Mike DiMarco again. This was the first unexpected thing: Mike woke me up bright and early by arriving right at my doorstep. We walked around rainy London, got totally drenched, and ended the day by eating fish and chips in a pub with several other girls from Iowa State. That was the second unexpected thing: my entire time in London was spent with Iowans that I never met in Iowa.

I left London after 4 days because I had to get to Munich to pick up my dad at the airport. I arrived in Munich the day before my dad did, so I went out to see the city with 14 Brazilians who were staying in the same room as me. That was the third unexpected thing: touring Munich with a large group of Brazilians. Saturday night, I set my alarm early in order to catch a train to the airport to find the lost American saying the only German thing he knew, "Ein Bier bitte!" Unfortunately, I set my alarm incorrectly, woke up an hour late in a state of panic, but grabbed the first train to the airport. The whole way I was thinking that my dad was going to be lost forever in Munich, but we eventually found each other. Whew. That first day, we went on a walking city tour. Let me tell you, my dad was a real trooper that day. I don't know how many of you have ever traveled abroad, but if you have, you know that upon arrival you want to do only one thing, sleep. Dad didn't have time to sleep. We only had one week together, which meant that immediately upon arrival in Europe, we would be doing a 4 hour walking tour, with our bags. I don't know how he made it, but he did. It was a very cool tour with a lot of history that I had heard once in Humanities but somehow seemed to go in one ear and out the other in that big lecture hall.

The next day we experienced the fourth unexpected thing: we got to visit the site of a former concentration camp. I never in my life thought that I would be standing in a place where thousands of people were tortured for their beliefs. We met in the Munich city center to catch the train to Dachau. If you've never heard or learned about Dachau, look it up. Read about it, it will change your life. I really had no clue what to expect before we got to the memorial. I had learned about WWII, Hitler, Nazis, Concentration camps, but what did I actually know? Had I ever really imagined that those were real people in the war, in the camps, in the graves? When hearing the information in Cedar Falls, Iowa, it is very easy to simply think that it's just history. It's easy to somehow let the emotions slip by. I mean, it was so long ago and so far away. I would love to tell you everything I experienced in that former camp, but that would be far too long. I will sum it up briefly. Outside the facts, figures, and pictures presented to me were the real life feelings I felt while walking through the "barracks" where people were forced to squat in a box not big enough to sit down or stand up, causing them to squat for hours, building up the pressure on their bodies, and eventually gravity crushing their backbones. Teachers can't teach you what it's like to see for yourselves where 10-12 people would be forced to sleep on a twin-sized wood mattress. You can't learn in school what it's like to walk through the crematorium and gas chambers where experiments were done on living breathing people like they were rats in a maze. I have never felt so cold or empty inside as I did while I was walking through the barracks and crematorium. It was literally a bone-chilling experience.

The thing that hit me the hardest was the end of the tour. We were taken to a sign that said "Nie Wieder". It means "never again". Our tour guide explained why she hated that sign. You see, genocide didn't stop when the doors to the concentration camps were taken down. Mass killing didn't stop at the end of WWII, and it didn't begin at the beginning of the war either. Genocide has been around the world, and it still is. A little over 200 years ago, it was in North America with the Native Americans. It occurred in the last 50 years in the killing fields of Cambodia. Ethnic cleansing happened in the former Yugoslavia not even 20 years ago. It is happening today in places like Darfur. You see, "Never Again" is not right. It's still happening. The reason it's still happening is because people aren't stopping it. The tour guide made a statement where she said the greatest problem in the world is not ignorance, it's apathy. People let killing happen because they don't care, or they think they are too far away or too small and insignificant to do anything about it. That's just it, though. We're not too small. In fact, if people worked together, they could do just about anything, including stopping genocide.

So that's the biggest thing I took away from my tour of Dachau. I have power to change the world. You do too. We may not be able to make a huge difference, but if a bunch of us make a bunch of small differences, they add up fast. As I was standing there at the Never Again sign, I remembered a post card I got once from a place that I really love on the west coast. The postcard had a saying from Mother Teresa, and it said:

"We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop."

As my dad would say, you never know what you can do until you try. I don't know if you know it, but you have a lot of power. You can change the world. While we're alive, we should all make tiny changes to the world. It's what we're supposed to do, and it's what we have to do. It makes me excited to hear things like what Mother Teresa said. I love to think that someday we could rid the world of genocide, infanticide, AIDS, prejudice, hatred, evil. It just takes a lot of small steps. Try to take one of those steps this week. Get involved by volunteering, get informed by reading about a world issue, just be a part of changing the world.

I'll stop there for today. I wrote a lot, and I will continue with the rest of my trip tomorrow. Have a good day. Smile and be happy. Talk to you soon.

on the move

Hello Everybody, I'm sorry that I haven't written anything in awhile, and I'm afraid that you might be disappointed by this short blurp. I'm in Munich right now, listening to music in the lobby of a hostel in the center of the city. I just arrived here this morning from London, where I'd been for the past 5 days. I left Klagenfurt last Tuesday with a British friend of mine, and we flew with Ryan Air (worst airline ever, but cheap) to London. I spent a couple days with him, then headed to the other side of town to visit a couple friends from high school. My time there seemed so short, and now I'm in a different country. My dad is coming tomorrow, and we're going to go around Austria for the next week: Salzburg, Vienna, tiny Klagenfurt, then back to Munich to ship him back to Iowa. Who knows what we'll do, but it should be fun. I'm excited, but I have to go. This week should definitely be an adventure, especially because my dad thinks he can speak German. Talk to you all soon. Happy Easter. I guess that's something important I should've written about, but I didn't. Tschüs.

I love talking.

Spring is here. The days are sunny, warm-ish, and the birds are singing. Tagging along with the arrival of Spring is the Easter Break. I'm fortunate enough to be studying in Austria right now, where the Easter holiday is much different than in the US. I mean, maybe the holiday isn't much different, but we get a break from school. Not just any break. It's nothing like Spring Break. It's two weeks; much better. My break started two days ago after my Thursday morning Linguistics course, and since then, I've had nothing to do except move to a new room in a new building. Let me tell you, there are no dorms at UNI as nice as the dorm I just moved into here. It's very high-tech, like I'm living with the Jetson's or something.

Other than moving, I've spent a lot of my time with friends. Today, we sat outside together, enjoying the beautiful weather and a couple cups of coffee. I was sitting at a table with a girl from Austria and a boy from Portugal when a very common theme found it's way to our conversation: languages. I say this is a very common theme because it is a topic that comes up in nearly every conversation; reason being, we are all from different countries with different languages. Conversations at one table at one time can be in English, German, Spanish, Portuguese, Italian, and so on, therefore, it's a common theme. We are always comparing our own languages to the other languages we know, and our own abilities to speak each of them. We talk about the differences between American English and British English, German and Dutch, Spanish and Italian, so on and so forth. In short, the conversation is always interesting because it's comparing not only languages but cultures and people, and in the end, we all agree that the most important aspect of any language is simply communication. It doesn't matter how great or poor you speak a language, rather, what's important is communication.

This is the answer that we come to time and time again. I love the topic, though, because it proves to me that somewhere inside all of us is a commonality. No matter how different we are, no matter where we come from, what we study, what we speak, or anything else, there is a commonality. That commonality manifests itself in these conversations.

Let me tell you, since I've been in Europe, I can't tell you how many people have told me that I'm not like the Americans they see in the movies or on television. Every time I talk to people, stereotypes that were created by music, television, films, and newspapers are broken. It's not just for me, either. In the same conversations as the language ones, people are saying, "Wow, you really aren't like the Italians I've heard about from my friends" or "You know, I always thought Germans were a lot meaner, but you seem to be different." Through communication, prejudices and false ideas seem to be tossed aside and replaced by truth. It's amazing how many ideas we have built up in our heads about people who are different than us just because of what we see in the media, or what our family and friends tell us. If your cousin told you that he met an Austrian one time who was the ugliest person he had ever seen, it wouldn't make sense to believe that the ugliest people in the world all congregated in Austria hundreds of years ago in order keep the ugly gene in their gene pool. That's not how it works, people are individuals and it is impossible to define a single person from a potentially far off idea you heard somewhere. How many people are there in the world with the potential to change your life, or you there's, because of an idea you have stuck in your head?

Take this down to an even smaller step. A couple weeks ago, I met a guy from Germany. The first question he asked me was where I was from. I answered, "America." He proceeded to tell me that wasn't possible because America is a continent, not a country. I figured that he was a jerk, so I turned around and stopped talking to him. Three days ago, I went to the kitchen to ask for help with a German grammar exercise. I asked a friend of mine who was in the kitchen, but when she didn't know the answer, it came from someone else in the room. The guy, who I had previously written off for a jerk, helped me with my homework, and showed me that he could not be defined by one line in one conversation. My earlier idea of him and who he was, restricted our current friendship from being several weeks older than it is now.

How many other people in my life have I written off because of something they said or did to me once? How many people have you stopped talking to because of one particular incident, or something one of your friends told you about them? I think it's a shame that we could go so long, even our entire lives, with thoughts about people that are entirely false just because of our refusal to seek the actual truth about them. It sucks to think that we could go so long missing something so good as a friendship because of a stupid idea that turns out to be false.

That thought scares me because I wonder the same thing about God. How many times has He been falsely represented by people? How many people are turned away completely from the only Person who knows anything because of something they heard or saw that isn't actually True? Think about it. How many people do you see on TV or in the news saying that they are doing something in God's name, but turn out to only be acting in the name of themselves? It's scary to think. Millions of people are turned away from eternal salvation because of prejudices and lies. People are not only turned away from Christ by the falsehoods, but they start to spread the lies themselves when they see people in city squares or college campuses preaching condemnation in the name of their savior. How many people are being saved by people showing signs saying Jesus hates gays, liberals, fornicators, liars, and so on? I would bet the answer is slim to none. I've seen those signs, and I've heard people preaching from benches saying that we all need to repent for our sins. But why not talk about forgiveness? Why not tell people about the compassion of Jesus? I think it would be so much better. Think of how many people would be brought closer rather than pushed away.

As always, I hope that this makes sense to you. I write in every blog that these are just my ideas, and that I hope you think in your own way, not mine. I am filled with prejudices, just like most of you, but I am trying to let them go. I want to give everybody a chance, and I want to make sure I'm not spreading lies like the ones I've written about. The most important thing, though, in not spreading lies, is knowing the Truth. We can't help people if we don't know that first. Try to point people in the right direction this upcoming week. Rather than telling them the negative things you just heard from your friend, tell them about something positive. We have to stay positive. We have to stop spreading lies. It's the only way for the Truth to be known.

Heimwehlos...oder?

This week was a very busy week. My friend Danny came last Saturday. Throughout the week, I tried to show him Klagenfurt's finest: the city center, lake, mountains, and all of my friends. Every time I introduced him to new people, they asked him how long he'd be staying in Europe. He'd answer, "One week." Their next question was where he was going to visit next, and when he answered, every person was shocked. Everybody was amazed that he was coming to Europe for only one week, and that he'd only be visiting Klagenfurt. Maybe they didn't understand that we are very good friends. After all, how many people can say that they got to Austria for Spring Break? I sent him packing Friday afternoon, and this morning, I received confirmation that he made it home safely.

School, of course, also happened this week. My classes are starting to really kick-off, which I love because it gives me something to do. I find it difficult, however, to study my grammar book or do my exercises for my speaking course because I'd much rather learn from the people I talk to daily. One of my greatest friends here comes from Germany. Talking to him teaches me more than most of the exercises from a grammar book. I like school, though, just not the homework. I think that's ok. (Don't worry Mom, I'm getting all of my work done that needs to be done.)

Not only did I welcome Danny to Klagenfurt this week, I also welcomed Spring. The weather all week was absolutely wonderful. I feel tacky writing about the weather, but it's beauty is worth noting. I enjoyed sitting down with my friends several times in the city center at an outdoor cafe. I tell you what, drinking coffee in the Alps during the beginning of Spring is one of the most relaxing things you can ever experience. That's enough about the weather; it was really nice, and it's getting warmer everyday.

Another important part of the week was sport. Yesterday, I went to an Austrian League soccer game. The local team plays in one of the nicest stadiums in all of Europe, but their play on the field doesn't exactly match the quality of the gigantic UFO-like structure. They are really bad. The last time the team won a game was in September. They are bad. Lucky for us, they won yesterday too. All 2000 of the fans in the stands built for 40,000 people were going nuts. It was actually really exciting, but I think that Cedar Falls High School might be able to give the club a good match. Not only did I get to see my local soccer team win, I also watched UNI take down Kansas in the NCAA tournament. Well, I didn't actually watch them win, rather, I was on a website where the score refreshed every couple seconds. It was, nevertheless, very exciting.

You see, this week was a busy week. More important than sport, weather, visits, school, or anything else that happened this week was an idea that I've had in my head for awhile that continues to concrete itself more and more each day. That idea, one that I've spoken of before, is the idea of home.

What is home?
Where is home?
Is there actually such a thing as home?

I don't know if I have any answers to those questions, but I have opinions. The cliche is that home is where the heart is, but where is the heart? I mean, is home just a house, or a city, or a country, or a person, or a language? I don't think so.

I watched a movie this week called Garden State. You may have seen it. It's good. If you haven't seen it, watch it. In the movie, the main character says, "You know that point in your life when you realize the house you grew up in isn't really your home anymore?...It's like you feel homesick for a place that doesn't even exist." I think that he has something going there. It's the same thing that Herman Hesse says through the Steppenwolf and Ernesto de la Serna writes about in his diaries.

Maybe home isn't here?

We certainly have houses and communities, families and friends, but I don't think that is actually our home. When I left Cedar Falls, I wrote something in my diary. I wrote, "During take-off, I said goodbye to the country, but I felt more like I was going home than leaving it. Maybe I won't actually find home, but I'll get to search for it...Someday, I will find it, but until then, my only guide is my homesickness."

I don't know if any of this is making sense to you. I guess what I'm trying to say is that no matter how perfect things seem to be in my life at one moment or another, there is always some little thing missing. That's ok, though. That little void in my life is a constant reminder that there is more waiting for me. There is more than just what I eat, touch, see, hear, or smell. This life is more than just this earth. My Home is somewhere else. I forget that too often, but the idea of where my Home brings me back to the truth.

That's a lot of writing about something that may not be interesting to you at all. I just wanted to write about it because it's always in my head. This week is going to be much quieter than last week, I hope. Sometime soon, I'm going to be moving to a new building, which happens to be right next door. There, I'll live without a roommate. I'm excited, but I'm really going to miss the community. I hope you have a great week this week. I also hope that all of you welcome Spring into your city this week. Tschüss.

Mitbewohner

So, it's been awhile. Sorry. Sorry Mom, but, as I've said before, it's really a good thing that I'm not updating this blog. That means that I'm actually doing other things. This past week, school started. Can you believe that? It's the second week of March, and I just started school. Classes were...interesting. I can just say that they are much different than UNI. First, they are in German. Second, you never know exactly what room you're going to be in. Third, everything in general is crazy. Lastly, they are extremely long. I went to several different classes, including the Life of Literature, Lyric Translation, Linguistics, Survey of Austrian Culture, Phonetics, Grammar, and a general speaking class. Some were great. Others were totally boring. Let me tell you, when a course is in another language, you have to really concentrate and pay attention. When a class is very boring, it's very difficult to pay attention. When a class is in another language and is very boring, it's impossible. That's how a couple of my classes went. Another class, Lyric Translation, saw me in my most nervous state I've ever been in. I was the only male student in the class. I was also the only student not in my master's program. I was also the only student from outside of Austria. The point of the class is to pick pieces in a foreign language and translate them back into your own language, namely German. We were all told to introduce ourselves, state our focus of studies, and tell the professor what languages we could translate from. The students ahead of me introduced themselves. They said they could translate from English (of course because everybody speaks English), Slovenian, Italian, French, Spanish, Russian, Polish, pretty much any language you can think of. The thing that made me really nervous was that they all said three or four languages. I was sitting there, alone by the fact that I was a male from a different country who could only halfway speak two languages. So, I was nervous when it was my turn to talk. Luckily, it went ok. The class giggled a little when I said that I was from the US (for some reason that's always funny to people), but I made it. The rest of my classes throughout the week went well. It's going to be a very different semester than any other I've ever had. I'm excited for it, though. More important than the beginning of my classes, was the arrival of a friendly face from Cedar Falls. My former roommate Dan Rieger came to visit me. He flew all the way from Chicago to Austria just to spend time with me over spring break. What a great friend, right? That's what I say. I also say that all of my other so-called friends who decided to save their money by not taking a week out of their schedules to visit me halfway around the world could learn something from Danny, haha. Just kidding. I think it's absolutely great that he came here to visit. It's crazy to hang out with friends in a different country. I don't know what it is about it, it's just surreal. I picked him up from the train station yesterday. We got a local delicacy to eat, then headed over to my friends' dorm to spend the evening with them. This morning, we got up to walk to the city center. The weather was beautiful, so we sat down at an outdoor cafe in the middle of the Neuer Platz. If you google Klagenfurt, you will see pictures of a statue of a dragon. We were sitting right next to that dragon drinking coffee in the warm spring sun. It was really unbelievable because we used to sit at our dirty kitchen table at the corner of 22nd and Walnut drinking coffee together. There's a big difference in location there. After the city center, some friends came over to my dorm. All of us went on a walk to the lake. The sun was shining off the surface of the lake which reflected on our faces. The mountains are still covered in snow, which makes for a proper beautiful picture. The whole day was spent outside, walking in the wonderful weather. I love the mix of my friends from all over Europe with my friend from Cedar Falls. It really is simply surreal. Friendships are truly magical, and I believe the ones I have here, back in Iowa, in Germany, in San Francisco, in Colorado, or wherever else you may be are some of the best imaginable. I hope you all have a wonderful Sunday and let that continue throughout the whole week. Peace.

Fußball

Today was monumental in my European career. I played my first soccer game. Last night, a friend of mine from Germany invited me to play in a soccer league on campus, so today I went to the student rec center and signed up. I had no clue what to expect. So, I went to the rec center again around 8:30 with my friend Linus. We walked around the building aimlessly because we didn't know where to go. Eventually, we found a locker room filled with men the size of giants who looked like they were ready to stop a fire or do something like kill a bear with their bare hands. That means that they were huge, at first glance. Maybe just because it was a really small locker room. We played for a couple hours, and let me tell you, it's almost impossible to think in a foreign language when you're out of shape and kaput. It was a lot of fun, though. I met some nice guys, all of them coming from Germany. We were on a team together. I think that the 15 euro I paid for the league is going to worth it at the end, not only because I get the chance to play, but also because I can see some good friends in the group. Other than learning a couple key words to use on the field, I also learned that I am entirely out of shape. I was dead. Time to stop eating so much chocolate, I guess. Tomorrow is Friday. TGIF.

Sometimes I like Che Guevara

I watched a movie called The Motorcycle Diaries a couple months ago. It's a great movie, very inspiring. The reason I like it is because throughout the entire movie, the main character, Ernesto de la Serna, is dedicated to bringing change to a world that went wrong a long time ago. His biggest passion is to unite all of South America; to create one body. That passion takes him across the entire continent on a motorcycle and later a floating raft with his friend. He meets people who are poor, sick, dying, communist, Catholic, and you can see that he leaves a large impact on each and everyone of them. He's all about starting a revolution to unite everybody.

I went through the whole movie thinking, "Wow, this guy is great. I want to be a revolutionary like him." That is, until the end of the movie. In the end, I, the person who didn't know who Ernesto de la Serna was, found out that the movie is actually the true story of Che Guevara.

Take a couple minutes to read this. It's an article written by a person I don't know about starting a revolution, one that I like a little more than Che's revolution. It comes from a website full of essays written by people like you and me. The writers are just people, and their words are just that, their words, nothing else. It's good to hear what people are thinking, though. That's why you are reading this. Ok, that's enough. Check it out.

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/worldview/features/19693-how-to-start-a-revolution

"A revolution without guns? It would never work." -Ernesto de la Serna

This statement was where Che Guevara went wrong.

I want to ride my bicycle

That's right. I have a bicycle. Today, after a full afternoon of tours through the campus where we've already been studying for 4 weeks, I went with some of my friends to rent bikes. The whole day was spent listening to the history of the campus, hearing why the buildings are called the way they are, listening to welcome information we should've heard 1 month ago, and doing a lot of other silly stuff. After all of that, we decided that we needed bikes. Actually, first, we sat down to have some coffee because the weather was beautiful today. It's been sunny and 50 degrees lately, but I'm afraid the snow is going to come again, soon. So, after coffee, we walked to another part of town where we heard was a legendary/super secret bike shop that rents bikes for only 25 euro. That's pretty cheap for this expensive continent. Turns out, there were only 2 bikes that were that cheap, so only 2 of us got bikes. One of the bikes was too big for the other girl who wanted a bike, so, naturally, I took it with pride. It's a beauty. The gears are a bit dysfunctional, and the colors are awful. There are wheel protectors, a kickstand, headlight and taillight, pump, back wheel rack, and much more. It's fully equipped, and it appears like it's been fully equipped for a number of years now. Maybe something like 20 or 30, but I love it. I can get around so much faster than walking. It's wonderful. I'm off now to go make some dinner with some friends at a dorm on the other side of town. It's only possible because of my new bicycle. I love riding my bicycle, especially in the nice Austrian spring sunshine. This was short, but sweet. Auf wiedersehen!

What's really going on here?

I have a secret for you: I love to write this blog. Actually, it's more like a confession. You see, I really like to write because it makes me feel good. I sit on my hard, uncomfortable wooden chair in my dimly lit room, listening to my roommate blast Hindi music out of his headphones so loud that I think sometimes his ears will explode, but none of that matters because what I'm doing makes me feel good. I like to think that there are tons of people everywhere reading what I write (although I know there aren't), and I also like to think that my words are making a difference to somebody. All day, I think about what to write. I mean, it's not the only thing I'm thinking about, but the thought is always there, somewhere. Everything I read, hear, watch, see can somehow be used. That's what I tell myself, at least.

BUT, this is no longer a secret; it's a confession. It's a confession because I am focusing entirely too much on me. When I'm sitting on my bed reading Acts, I'm thinking, "Ok, now how I can apply this to my own life? or What can I get out of this that I could possibly write about?" Those questions may be ok, but shouldn't reading Acts, or any other book, be about meeting God? Isn't that the purpose of that collection of holy books? Getting to know the person, being, thing that created us and died for us in order that we may never die but actually live forever? Too often, I make the Bible about me. I form it to my own life not the life of the Person it's written about. So, that brings me back to this blog. I write this blog because I like to feel important. I like the idea of people reading what I write. I love the thoughts that I have sometimes that maybe my words are showing people Jesus. Those may not sound like bad things to you guys, but you should know, they aren't good things to me. If you know me well, then you know I carry around several sets of words, in various ways, with me everyday. You may not know what they are, because sometimes I like to keep secrets, but they are phrases that are very important to me. I could fill your ears with quotes, lyrics, words that I've picked up along the way that I think are wonderful, but the ones I carry with me are my very favorite. They have a theme, and that is: it's not really about you, Thomas.

So, if you put all of these words in this entry together, you can see my problem. You should be able to see why I am confessing to you. I don't expect you to forgive me or say, "Oh, it's no big deal holmes."

I just wanted you to know because I think that this is THE problem with the world today. Ok, maybe not the biggest problem, but definitely a big one. We think too much about ourselves and our own glory. For example, I was recently in an intermediate level German course that went very well. The reason it went so well was because all of us students got along. We were friends, working together, not competing against each other. The class above us was a little different. They were an upper level class, and they were all about competition. The students were vying for the professor's attention with every sentence because of their desire to move up another level. Rather than working together and helping everyone, the students worked against each other by only working for themselves. You see this everywhere, especially when it comes to money. It's always US vs. them. There is always a winner and a loser, and we always want to be the winner. We want the best. We want to be recognized. We have to win. Why do we have to win? What do we have to win? Maybe you could get a higher-paying job or a cuter girlfriend or something like a gold medal, but can you keep those forever? Instead of there being a winner and a loser, can't there just be people working together? If that happens, doesn't everybody win?

Ok, I realize that sometimes I say things that may not make any sense to you. You may be wondering why any of this matters. You may be telling yourself, this kid is nuts because he actually thinks that there is life after death. Or maybe you're just saying this is stupid. Who knows, maybe this is stupid.

This post is getting long, so I'll wrap it up nice and neat. If you are living a life of competition against everybody else, ask yourself what you're gaining from it. Maybe you are just trying to be the smartest person in class or continually telling all of the people around you about your new car. Those are stupid examples, but you understand. If you are trying to beat other people, I think you're the one losing. You can't gain, win, or achieve anything more valuable than Love. Try starting every day by telling yourself the words 'to God be the glory'. We aren't deserving of any of it. I don't deserve anything. This blog is just a bunch of words. Everything good comes from Him.

My semester classes start this week in Klagenfurt. I forgot to say that. Tell me how you're doing. Have a great week.



"Once we've really discovered how to love our neighbor as ourself, capitalism won't be possible and Marxism won't be necessary." -somebody

Firenze

Im in Florence right now at an internet cafe waiting for my train back to Klagenfurt. You are about to read an entry with misspelled words and wrong punctuation because I dont know how to use this keyboard. I left Perugia earlier this afternoon, which was a bummer because today was the most beautiful day Ive seen in a long time. It was 50 degrees and sunny, wonderful. All of the other days I spent in Perugia were rainy and chilly, and, of course, the day I leave is the only sunny one. Oh well, I got to enjoy the sun for a couple hours. More important than the weather was hanging out with Mike. It was good to be with a familiar face on the other side of the world. I had the chance to meet a lot of his friends and take part in a lot of the stuff he does everyday. I even got to go to class with him. How exciting. A couple days ago, we decided to go to Assisi. If you dont know, Assisi is the hometown of Saint Francis, a really cool guy who started a revolution as a teenager. I dont know enough about him to tell you much information, but I do know a little. I know that he was very young when he devoted his life to serving other people. I know that three important words in his life were obedience, poverty, and chastity. He was a monk. He was poor. He was young. He hung out with homeless people. I kind of like him. His hometown is amazing too. The entire village was a maze of mini streets on a hillside. Every street ended in either a large piazza or huge cathedral. The talk of the town is the cathedral on the west side, San Francesco Cathedral. I didnt take any tours or gather any information, but Im guessing it wasnt called San Francescos Cathedral when San Francesco was actually alive. We walked through the sanctuary, saw both the inferior and superior rooms, and visited the tomb of Saint Francis in the basement. In the basement, Mike and I sat in a couple pews while people around us kneeled down in prayer. In the middle of the room was a large tomb that looked more like a shrine to me. There were 4 other tombs in the basement who mustve been friends of Saint Francis. On several of the walls hung art-jewelry made of gold. I dont know what they were doing there, but they were just chilling on the walls. I took in all of the surroundings in the silence, and a question popped into my head. "Is this how Saint Francis would want to be buried?" It was a simple question, and Im positive many people have asked it before me. Would a man who lived for poverty, chastity, and obedience want to be buried in the center of a room for everybody to see? Would he want gold jewelry to be hanging up alongside him? Doesnt that kind of go against the whole poverty thing? From what I know about Saint Francis, he sounds like a pretty humble guy who would rather have the glory go to Someone else than himself. I should read more about him to find out, I guess.

My minutes are almost up, which is a great thing because it means that my train is almost here. First, I have to find the train station. I arrived in Florence a couple hours ago, and Im not sure if I remember how to get back. I got off my train and just started walking, not really paying attention to where I was going. I will be arriving in Klagenfurt tomorrow morning at 4 am, and Im hoping that there will be a taxi at the train station. I live about an hours distance walk away from the train station, and thats not exactly what I want to be doing at 4 am. Ill wake up in my own bed around 9 am, then head to campus to meet with an adviser. Tomorrow is a big day because I choose my classes for the semester. I have no clue what to do, which is why Im happy I have an adviser. My time in Italy has been short and sweet, and Im happy to be returning to the Alps of Austria. Italy is nice, old, relaxed, but not really for me. Its perfect for week long vacations, though. Who knows when Ill return too? Ill talk to you soon. Hope you all have a wonderful day. Ill probably be sleeping on a night train to Klagenfurt when you read this. Ciao.

Europe takes advantage of people...

who have to go to the bathroom. I left Klagenfurt Friday night around 11:30 and arrived in Florence at 6:30 am. I slept through the night, and, of course, had to go to the bathroom when I woke up. I stumbled off the train in search of a toilet. After walking through the whole train station, I spotted the familiar sign of a man standing next to a woman in a dark corner. What a relief. I had to go really bad, so I rushed through the door to find what looked like an airport security check-in. There weren't any guards, though, only machines demanding 1 euro in order to pass. I've run in to this situation too many times on this continent to remain quiet. Poor people who are desperate for a toilet are being taken advantage of because they don't want a fine for going to the bathroom on the street. I paid the fee for the toilet, and I made sure to make the most of my payment. Next time, I'm going to brave the dangers and go on the sidewalk. I hate paying for a toilet.

I stayed in Florence for about an hour before boarding a train to Perugia. 2 hours later, I was in what seems the oldest city in the world, giving my friend Mike a hug. Coming from Klagenfurt to Perugia is a big change. The streets here are so small, but cars still manage to drive down them. Buildings are all old and crooked. So many hills. It's wonderful, though. I got here yesterday around 10:30, and Mike took me around the city. We ate pizza, tried to view Assissi through the thick clouds, sat on the steps to a giant Catholic cathedral, and watched the slow Italians stroll through the streets. Last night, we went over to a friend's house. She's from Holland, and she's, interesting. It was a quiet night, but I was pretty tired because I didn't sleep very well on the night train from Klagenfurt. Today has also been fairly quiet. We slept in, cooked some eggs, drank some coffee, then went out to lunch with some of his friends. There was only one man working at the restaurant. He was the host, server, and cook. I can't believe he was doing everything, but he managed it fairly well. I guess it goes with the overall attitude here of never being in a rush to do anything. We've spent most of the afternoon in the apartment listening to music, eating my mom's cookies, and doing puzzles. The weather is chilled and rainy, though I must say much warmer than Klagenfurt and Iowa. It's almost 50 degrees here, but the clouds and rain make it seem much colder.

Before I left Klagenfurt, I felt a little strange. My thoughts weren't about the place I was going to, rather, about the people and place I was leaving. I felt weird leaving. The past three weeks have been spent with the same people everyday, all day. We'd become sort of a family; something I didn't expect the first day in Klagenfurt. I was kind of sad to leave, and it wasn't until this afternoon that I really thought about all of the places I've left. Usually, my thoughts the first day upon arrival are much different than the day I leave. It seems everywhere I go, I have such a negative attitude about my future in the city. At the end, I can't imagine leaving. I've lived in several places over the past couple years, and it is the same everywhere I go. I arrive somewhere new and immediately regret going there. The first days, weeks are difficult. I take some time to meet new people and experience the new things. Once I meet new people, though, I fall in love. It was that way in Boulder, San Francisco, Herrnhut, Klagenfurt, and I imagine anywhere else I happen to go. You don't really realize the power of friendships until you are without them for a couple days. I know I don't. When I'm with all of my best friends, I want to be alone. When I'm all alone, I realize how much I need other people. Community is necessary, more than you think. Everywhere I go, I think I can do it by myself. I fail every time. I need people. I need community. I need them for encouragement, guidance, friendship, and meaning to life. I believe that we are supposed to be in community always. I mean, of course we have to spend some time by ourselves. You can't be surrounded by people always. You need time for your own personal growth, but you always need community too. That's what the whole loving others statement is talking about. Life is about relationships, I think. Too often we forget about that. We try to do everything by ourselves because other people have let us down too much. We think that we are smarter than our friends because of the things we've experienced or the knowledge we've gained. That may be true, but you still can't do it by yourself. Try. You will fail. Life is about relationships, friendships, community. That is love, and, as always, love wins. Try to imagine your life without family, friends, coworkers, neighbors, teachers, students, roommates, Somebody who loves you. Just try to imagine that. How terrible would that be? Maybe you think you can do it alone. Maybe you say that you don't need anybody. Maybe you don't think you need God. If you can do it all yourself, why would you? It's a fair question, and I think we can all find out the answer if we try to do it ourselves. We may make it a couple days, months, or years, but is it worth it? Are you satisfied? Do you feel like you are loving? Do you feel loved? I just don't think it's enough if we are alone. Everywhere I go, I try to do it by myself, and I always learn that I can't. I always hope that you read what I write and think about it in your own life. I hope I say something that makes you question yourself. You can question me. What do I know? Not much. I'm wrong, a lot. Say something to me when you disagree. I think it's just so important to ask youself questions. We can't live life passively, just going with the flow. To not be questioning what you believe and why you believe it would be a waste. Our lives are too important to be spent going with the flow.

These are just my thoughts on a quiet Italian Sunday, and they all started because I thought about the 1 euro I had to pay for a toilet.

Time to Travel

My friends, I'm sorry it's been so long (according to my Mom) since my last post. I know you've all been rushing to your computers the moment you get home everyday to check if I wrote anything that day, so I'm sorry you've been let down by me. BUT that's actually a good thing for me. I used to update this blog everyday because I had nothing to do. I had nobody to talk to, nowhere to go, nothing to do. Now, I have things to do. I've made friends in my intensive language class and from my dorm hall. I've been going on class field trips, just like junior high school, to different places like the local television station, radio station, Chinese restaurant, Fasching celebration, and the Catholic High School. Those are strange places to visit for field trips, I know, but they were all amazing. Not necessarily the places, more the people I was going with. Today was the last day of my intensive course. For the past 3 weeks, I've been going to German class with the same 11 people 5 days a week for 3-5 hours each day. If there's one word to describe it, it'd be intense. We went over a lot of information in a very short amount of time. During these 3 weeks, we spent a lot of time together, and, naturally, got to know each other. We learned about the different places each of us comes from. More importantly, we learned about each other. We were always doing interviews asking questions about previous jobs, future goals, family, friends, studies, and discussions always came up about really important topics. In short, we got to know each other very well. We started off as complete strangers, but I would say now that we are all very good friends. I've never been in a class like this before where we hang out together on the weekends, or go to our professor's house to eat, or visit a classmate's apartment to have an end of the course celebration with all of the students and professor. It's been really great, and today was the last day. The past few days, we spent a lot of time talking about our own lives; the things that have been big influences on each of us. Many times, it's been relationships, but also beliefs, conflicts, personality traits, and whatever else. I really can't tell you enough how different this class has been from any other class I've had. Our professor was the key. He brought us all together. Someday, if I'm lucky enough to be a teacher, I'd like to be able to create a classroom atmosphere like he did. An atmosphere that is non-judgmental, makes you feel important, and thought-provoking. He did an excellent job. The class was wonderful. Now, I have one week off until the semester actually starts. Tonight, around midnight, I'll be taking a train to Florence, where I'll catch another train to Perugia to see my friend Mike. We'll see how it goes. I don't know much Italian, but I'm hoping the name Panicucci will help me. I should be arriving in Perugia tomorrow morning around 10, and I'll be there until Thursday. Thursday is a big day because I have to make my way back to Klagenfurt from Perugia, and I also have a meeting with an adviser to set up my classes. I'm afraid that I won't have my computer with me in Perugia, so, my friends, you are going to have to wait at least 5 days for my next update. I'll try to get on sometime between then to let you know that I made it ok, but I have no guarantees. Think happy thoughts for me about getting there.

I forgot to tell you one thing. After our last class today, some of us went out to eat with our professor because he invited us to a buffet. At lunch, he told us how much he had learned from us. The main thing we taught him (a man who speaks 8 languages, has seen more than 3/4 of the world, been a journalist in Kosovo, Afghanistan,and Pakistan, and continues to amaze students semester after semester) was to have hope. I thought that was cool. He ended the conversation by telling us all of the nicknames he had in his head when he thought of us. Many of the girls were famous actresses or characters from books. I was the preacher.

not my own idea...

"I must admit, while at first critical of religious leaders for rejecting Christ, I began to wonder what it might feel like if Jesus came back today, you know, right in the middle of America, right in the middle of our church culture. I imagined the second coming of Jesus as prophesied in various Scriptures of the New Testament. The prophecies aimed at us about the Second Coming have Jesus showing up like a thief in the night, returning as trumpets sound, and riding a horse. When I imagine this, my mind has Jesus riding through the clouds, very suddenly and to much ado, the entire world trembling at His return, all people awakened from their sleep, acknowledging the King of the universe.

But what if the guys playing the horns turned out to be a few men playing on a street corner in a small town in Arkansas, and what if the horse Jesus rode in on wasn't a Kentucky thoroughbred, but a belligerent donkey? And what if Jesus, after he got here, frequented homeless shelters and bars and ate and drank with the kinds of cultures evangelicals have declared war against? And what if, when He came like a thief in the night, He came very quietly so that nobody noticed, and what if, crime of all crimes, He was ugly and when He went on CNN producers were uncomfortable with His appearance and only shot Him from the waist up, in a certain light? And what if, when He answered questions, He talked with a hick accent, and only spoke in parables that nobody could understand, and what if He didn't kiss anybody's butt?

If you ask me, He'd have to do a lot of miracles to overcome all that stuff. And even then, most of the people who would follow Him would be people who were oppressed, marginalized, and desperate."


I read this in a book today. It's a good book; nothing to live by, but certainly relevant. I think the most important things in those sentences are the question marks. How do you know what's right? What if your idea of right is actually wrong? Then what would happen? I guess I could ask, how do we know what is right? How do we know when we've found right? I don't know the answer to that. I can't tell you what is right and what is wrong, but I'd love to tell you to never stop asking questions that lead you to Truth. Have a wonderful day. I love you.

Lei Lei!

I forgot to write the other night. We had Albanian food, the third of four total international food nights. So far, we've had Indian, Italian, Albanian, and next is American. My neighbor and I are still a little lost trying to figure out what to make. That's not important, though. What's important is what happened yesterday. In many Catholic areas of Europe, a pre-Lent festival called Carnival is coming to its end as we approach Fat Tuesday. In Austria, the festival is called Fasching. A neighboring village Villach has the largest Fasching celebration in Austria. The city is only 30 minutes away by train, so our class decided to take a field trip. Our professor lives in Villach, and he invited us to come celebrate with him. He's great, really great. I don't know what you guys know about Fasching (Carnival) because it's not well-known in America. I don't know if you can compare it to anything we have, either. The best description I can make is if you combine Halloween with the state fair, only Fasching is a lot bigger. Every person, old and young, wears a costume. I saw so many smurfs, pirates, elves, witches, Flinstones, and everything else. It was unbelievable to see the whole community participation. I mean, everybody was dressed up: babies, teenagers, parents, grandparents. Much better than Halloween. In Villach, the main celebration is Faschingsamstag. It happens on the Saturday before Ash Wednesday. There are local vendors setup throughout the city, decorations stringing from building to building, a large musical parade, and it all culminates with every person partying together at the end. I've never seen such a thing before. The entire city, every building, every person, everything was celebrating Fasching. Some of us students met in the morning to walk to the train station together. Our professor was going to pick us up from the station in Villach. I didn't get the memo about dressing up, so I went as myself, unfortunately, because every other person in the city was wearing at last a mask. We got to Villach, and our professor took us first to a little cafe overlooking the river and bridge where the parade would be happening. It was wonderful to finally have some good coffee. I've been without coffee now since Germany, and I didn't realize how much I missed it until I had a real cup yesterday at the cafe. Then we found a spot to view the parade outside on the street.

The parade was filled with different groups and bands, everybody dressed up. It lasted a couple hours, and then the party began. The parade ended, and the people flooded the streets. Music came from what seemed like the sky. Some students and I, along with our professor, found our way to a little Irish pub that was packed full of Ghostbusters, pirates, and stone-aged men. After the pub, we heard about a large dance party happening in front of city hall, so, of course, we went. We walked through one of the squares, rounded a building, and rested our eyes upon the largest group of people dancing I'd ever seen. Christmas lights lit the entire square, along with flashing lights from the music stage.

Austrian, German, Spanish, and American songs were played the entire night, and nobody stopped dancing. It was for real the largest dance party I've ever been a part of. Several hours of dancing wore us foreigners out, so we decided to head home. It was only 10 pm, but it felt so much later. We rode the train back to Klagenfurt, walked home from the train station, and passed out from exhaustion. It was a wonderful day. So many costumes, so much community, so much dancing, so many smiles. It was the best day I've had so far in Austria, and one of the craziest days of my life.

Today was a little quieter. As I've said, Klagenfurt shuts down on Sundays. I woke up this morning and went to the kitchen to make breakfast. To my surprise, my neighbors were in there making something similar to funnel cakes. Evidently, the tasty treats are an Italian Carnival tradition. Funnel cakes are so much better than yogurt for breakfast. Try it sometime. This afternoon, we found out that there is a skating rink in the city center that has public skates on Sunday. I thought everything was closed, but I guess I was wrong. One grocery store, one kebap shop, and the skating rink are open. The only problem is, they are a long ways away from campus. We walked 40 minutes to the rink, skated for awhile, then came back. Now, I sit in my room, tired, hungry, but satisfied with a great weekend in Austria.

TTT

Tonight was Italian night. My neighbor is from Udine, Italy. She made homemade pizzas, delicious. Tomorrow night is Albanian night. I've never eaten anything from Albania, so I'm excited. I believe Monday is Slovenian night, and sometime next week is American night. What could my neighbor and I make for American night? Any ideas? It has to be easy too, we are not professionals.

I just finished writing an essay, which is harder than most essays I've written. One, it's in German. Two, I have no access to a printer, so I have to write it all with my hand. People of my generation are not supposed to have to do physical work for school; that's why we have computers. I'm afraid I have no stories or thoughts from today. I spent most of it in class. After class, I went on a walk to a new part of town with some friends. My mission was to find earplugs. I succeeded, and I'm excited to finally sleep tonight. Every night that I've been here, I've woken up in the middle of the night to my roommate's snores. As soon as he falls asleep, he starts snoring, and his snoring wakes me up. It keeps me up too. It never ends. Tonight, I will finally sleep well. It's going to be so great. I'm so excited to lay down in bed. Tomorrow is a new day. Hopefully the snow stops. It's snowed 25 cm here the past two days without stopping. So much snow. Tomorrow is also Friday. TGIF? Maybe. I'll talk to you soon.

Multi-cultural realization

Sometimes, I am very bored. I sit at my desk, staring at my computer screen while wondering what I should do. I sit, I stare, and I wonder for quite some time. This situation happens every day. Most of my day is spent by myself, so I think about that boredom rather often. Today, this thought came into my mind:

I woke up and ate breakfast by myself.

I went to class with 10 other students; 9 girls, 1 guy. 1 girl from Tasmania, 1 from Bulgaria, 1 from Japan, 1 from Belarus, 1 from Italy, 1 from Iowa, 2 from Slovenia, and 1 other girl with her husband from Iran.

I ate lunch at a table with 7 girls and 2 guys. 1 girl from Bulgaria, 1 girl from Tasmania, 1 girl from Italy, 1 girl from Finland, 2 girls from Slovenia, 1 girl from Iowa, 1 guy from Finland, and 1 guy from Italy.

I attended an intercultural workshop this afternoon with too many people to count from Italy, Slovenia, Finland, Japan, Bulgaria, Iowa, Tasmania, Kansas, Turkey, and Croatia.

Tonight, my roommate from India cooked an Indian dinner for 5 of us. 2 from Iowa, 2 from Albania, and 1 from Italy.

If you add all of that up, you get 13 different countries and too many languages to count, in just one day.

Sometimes I sit at my desk, wondering and staring. Sometimes, during my wondering, I ask myself, "How could I ever be bored in such a place where it is possible to share my day with so many different countries, languages, and cultures?" How many of you get to speak English, German, Spanish, Italian, Albanian, Japanese, and Hindi in one day? How could I ever be bored?

That was my realization today. It's nothing too important, just a neat little thought.

Pancakes

Today was a wonderful day. I had class in the morning for a couple hours, but I got out early. I hate getting out early because there is usually nothing else to do. Klagenfurt proved me wrong today, though. I found out that there is a student cafeteria, so I went over there to eat some lunch. I made it through the line to find a whole group of foreigners that I knew. Eating lunch in a group of people is so much better than eating by yourself. Lonely thoughts come into your mind when you eat too often by yourself, so eating with a group was good. It was nice also because they were a group of higher level German students. That meant that they were speaking German, which is hard to find sometimes on this campus. I spent the lunch hour with them, then found my way to the grocery store. I love the grocery store. It's a short walk from campus, which is a nice time to think. I usually think about random German phrases, or what I learned that day. Maybe I think about what I'm going to do for the rest of the day, but that thought usually gets me nowhere so I forget about it. After the grocery store, I came home to read some German poetry. My professor gives us things to read for fun in our free time. Usually they are songs, poems, jokes, or short histories. While I was reading, I found out that people were coming over to the kitchen tonight from all of the other dorms to make pancakes. Haha, there was going to be a pancake party. I had something to do! I read all afternoon until a knock came at my door telling me that the pancakes had begun. I went downstairs to the kitchen, and sure enough, the pancakes had begun. All of us foreigners were there. It was wonderful. I spent most of the night in the kitchen before coming back to my room to write an update for you all. I started writing, and my roommate came home. I was writing some really good, interesting stuff about a chapter in a book I read, but he kept telling me to look at stuff on his computer. He's from India, so he was trying to explain to me about the caste system and the meanings of the Sanskrit words. That's really great, but I was trying to write and my fingers were going nowhere. He kept telling me random Indian facts, which I love because he always laughs after every one like it's funny that I never knew the random fact about India before. My mind wasn't working while he was explaining things like Shudras and Hindi and diamonds and lots of giggles, so I decided to give up and write this silly update instead. It was straight, to the point, and not very cool. Sorry. Blame Avalanche. He has too many Indian fun facts. I can't pay attention to writing and listening. That's my excuse. Maybe I could tell you a little bit about the chapter now, though, since he has gone back to his computer game. Here is what I had written so far:

I read the best chapter of any novel I've ever read today. It's not actually a novel, I guess, but more like a book of some guy's thoughts. It's called Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller. It's a rather interesting book, as I told you yesterday, and today he talked about an idea I've never before thought about. The chapter was titled Naked: Why nudity is the point. Odd chapter title, huh? I mean, nudity is ok. I'm not afraid of it, but is there really enough relevant to write a whole chapter about it in a book like this? The other chapters are talking about things like poetry, knowledge about God, the enormous of a creator, and modern warfare (not the type that is being fought in Iraq and Afghanistan; more the type being fought by your soul). He says great things, things that really hit me in the face because they are so simple yet so huge. He says things like, "poetry is a literary tool that has the power to give a person the feeling he isn't alone in those emotions, that, though there are no words to describe them, somebody understands," and "if you happened to be a person who thought they knew everything about God, Jesus would have been completely annoying," and "if we could muster a portion of the patriotism we feel toward our earthly nations into a patriotism and bravery in concert with the kingdom of God, the enemy would take fewer casualties to be sure." These are all things that I would love to write about. For real, I would love to fill this post with comments on just one of those statements, but this post is about nudity. When I got to the chapter, I was thinking, "how is this guy going to go from talking about spiritual warfare to such an immature topic like nudity?" It blew my mind that he was going to try to include this subject in his book. Maybe it doesn't affect you like it did me, but I'll say that it really made an impression on me, not necessarily positive, that he was going to devote a whole chapter to why nudity is the point. I read through the chapter, amazed. Such a simple thing. Such a well known story that people look over. At least, if you're like me, you probably looked over it or saw it one time and thought about it for a couple minutes then let it go to the back of your mind. The chapter was about the Garden of Eden. You know, God creates Adam, Adam becomes lonely, God tells Adam to name all of the animals, God creates Eve, Adam and Eve walk with God, Satan tempts Adam and Eve, Eve eats the apple, Adam and Eve make clothes, God gets upset. They are naked the whole time until the end. That's how the story goes. You probably know that. The thing that struck me was, Adam told God he was lonely. He was searching for a friend, but couldn't find anything that was right. God told him to name all of the animals. Yeah, all of the animals in the world. So Adam was lonely, and rather than God creating Eve right away, he made Adam name all of the animals in the world. How comforting for Adam huh? Many years of naming probably passed before God removed the rib and fashioned Eve to end Adam's loneliness. So now Adam is way in love with this girl Eve. I mean, he had never even seen a woman before (unless of course God looks like a girl), and now he has a wife created perfectly for him. I don't know if you get how much Adam loved Eve. He was alone for so many years because he had to come up with names for animals, every animal. He was lonely, and the thought of a woman may never have even crossed his mind. Then, one night, God creates Eve, and Adam wakes up to find the most beautiful being in existence sleeping right next to him. What a surprise! Years of waiting seemed to be worth it. Don't forget, the whole time they were naked. No clothes necessary. Adam and Eve were perfect, living happier lives than you and I have ever lived, and they were naked the whole time without even realizing that being naked is different. That's because naked wasn't different. They were naked not only because they had no clothes, but they also had no secrets. The couple went on walks with God. Take a step back, read that sentence again. The couple went on walks with God. They were friends, they talked, they probably joked with each other, they smiled and hugged. Adam and Eve were totally naked; they had nothing to hide. There entire life was spent glorifying their creator without anything inhibiting their praise. That's magical. But that nudity ended. They gave in to temptation, and what was the first thing that happened after the apple was eaten? They realized they were naked. Suddenly, being naked was weird, awkward. The grabbed leaves to cover themselves. They hid when God came looking for them. They wore clothes and hid. Why? Because they had given in to temptation. Donald Miller says that Moses, when he wrote Genesis, does not have any point other than this when he wrote the portion that is now Chapter 2 and 3. Do you get it? They were naked and perfect, but then they gave in and started to think that nudity is weird. Do you think nudity is weird? I mean, I'm not really talking about clothes or no clothes here. I'm talking more about the other aspect of being naked. The part where you hide nothing from God; where you let Him see your heart and mind because you don't put up walls. Are you naked in that sense? Do you have walls? Secrets? Do you put clothes around your soul? I do. I do it when I refuse to die to myself. I do it when my faith is small. I do it when I willingly separate myself from the Truth. I put up those walls a lot, but I know what it's like to be naked too. I know what it's like to be totally bare before God, to be completely honest about my stupidity and attempts to run my own life. I have felt what it's like to sing and dance without any worries of who's watching and what they're thinking because I know that my actions are making Someone smile. I know all of those things, yet I still put up walls. It's a terrible situation to be in. Do you know what I'm talking about? Do you even know what it's like to be completely naked? Have you ever felt total liberation while standing before Jesus? Try it out some time. I don't think you can find anywhere better to be than naked right there.

That was what I wanted to write. I hope it wasn't too much. I hope it doesn't sound religious to you because I would absolutely hate to sound religious. Too many rules and judges. I just want to write what I think about. I just want you to read this and think about your own life. Maybe it means nothing to you. Oh well. I hope that you spend more time being naked now. You can do that physically, but I think it would be better to do that spiritually. Break down the walls you've allowed to be built up. Don't worry what other people think about you. Just be free. I'm up far past my bedtime now. I will write again soon. I love you. Guten Nacht.