Klagenfurt

i made it today. i dont have much time on the computer, but i made it. talk to you all soon to tell you everything.

Salzburg

I left you last night saying that I was sharing a room with other guys who were probably going to be out late and come home loud. I said that I needed to fall asleep before they got home. Unfortunately, I didn't fall asleep in time. Two of them came home, and they were both respectably quiet. We had a short conversation. One of them was named Djanko, and he came from Australia. He's a student in Sydney who has been traveling around Europe for the past 2 months on his holiday break. Last night was his last night in Salzburg. The other guy showed up after Djanko and I had already gone to bed. He was an older Asian guy wearing swim trunks and a polo. I don't know what the deal is with swim trunks, but Djanko was wearing them too. It's cold outside. There's a lot of snow, and I don't see a hottub. Anyways, they were both wearing swim trunks. My biggest mistake was not falling asleep before that Asian guy got home. Turns out, he is the loudest snorer I've ever heard. Long, deep, thick snores; all night. I slept horribly, but I know I slept for a little bit because I didn't see one of my other roommates come in. This morning, I woke up and came downstairs to eat breakfast. It was a rather expensive breakfast (3 euro) for what they provided (yogurt, granola, coffee, and rolls). It was only 9 am when I finished, so I wrote some emails. Around 10, I decided it was time to go out. All morning, the snow had been falling in huge snowflakes, but there was nothing left to do in the hostel. I went out with no plans, only an idea of where the main train station stood. So I walked, and I walked. I walked a lot. I walked around my entire neighborhood, found the train station, and walked around that entire neighborhood. I saw a lot of old buildings, but nothing really impressive. But then I found a bridge that goes over the river Salzach. Now that was something impressive. The open area showed me a view that couldn't be seen through the mass buildings I'd seen for most of the morning. From the bridge, I could see mountains, towering churches, and the famous castle. Somebody told me to visit the castle, but I heard it cost money so I didn't want to go. I'm a terrible tourist. I don't really want to pay to see anything, and I'm really bad at taking pictures. The pictures I do have are nothing compared to the ones taken by the people I just left in Herrnhut. They were professionals. Anyways, the view was amazing, but I decided to head a different direction than towards the castle. I headed back towards the main train station. My idea was to find a place to eat and maybe check out the mall, so I went to get a ticket. Like always, I had no clue what ticket to buy or what train to take, so I just bought what I thought was best and hopped on what I thought was right. Nobody came around to check for tickets, so I felt good about the ticket situation. Within a couple minutes, we arrived at Salzburg Europark, a huge crazy looking building that is the mall. I made my way around the mall; a lot of overpriced European clothes, jewelry, snow gear, and restaurants. What came next was marvelous. I walked out a different entrance than the one I came in, and I saw a huge building across the courtyard. It was an Ikea. I've heard of Ikea, and I've seen it on a movie, but I've never been in one. I knew that they were huge, and people can get lost in them. My idea was that I had a whole day to do nothing, so why not get lost in Ikea? I walked in the door to see pure madness. If you've ever been in Ikea, you know what I'm talking about. There were a million people going every which way. Some of them were following little arrows on the ground which set before the customers a guided path in order to get the best possible view of every item in the store. There were maps at every corner, and information kiosks could be seen from every point you stood. The store was huge. I think you could build 100 houses out of that one store. Maybe more, I don't know. A lot, though. It took me only about 30 minutes to get through, but I was happy to have wasted that half hour. I got back on the train and headed towards the main train station again. After the train, I got a dürüm and headed home to take a break. I had already walked so far, including at least a mile in Ikea. My legs were tired, and I was cold. It was only 3 pm. I got home, ate, sat, then went back out. Not too much of a break. I went out with a goal this time, though. My goal was to make it to the castle, which was quite a ways away from where I had seen it on the bridge. I think it was at least 2 miles from that bridge. I brought my camera in hopes that the photographer that had been instilled in me in Herrnhut would finally prove itself. The path I took was right along the river. I feel like I should write something like, 'it was such a beautiful walk along the rushing river with the powerful Alps looming just in the distance,' but that's not really what I like to do. It was beautiful. The sights were magnificent, but you can look them up on the internet if you want. It's not really about the things that you see to me, rather, I enjoy the feeling you get when experiencing it. I'm sure that's how everybody thinks, but I thought I had to say it. So I was walking, and the castle was getting closer and closer. I looked up and there was a cliff to my right with a big church tower on top of it. Right in front of me, there were steps that took me there. It was nice because the area I had just found was quiet; no people. It was through the woods where you could see adults sledding if you looked through the right trees. I enjoyed the peaceful area after being in the busy city. I walked around the woods for a bit, then continued my trek to the castle. It was almost 4 by now, so the sun was on its way down. I wanted to make it there before it was dark so I could maybe get a picture. I climbed down the cliff stairs to the river path and walked. A whole new section of town came up on the right. This was the section where Mozart was from. I saw the house where he was born. Then I saw the castle. I could only see slivers through the buildings, so I searched for a better view. I'm sorry to tell you, I never found it. The sun was down, and it was cold. I saw many great views of the strongest fortitude in all of Europe through the old baroque-style of architecture buildings. All of those old buildings next to me were shops, banks, post offices, museums, and they all had Mozart in the name. The walk home took about an hour. I got another dürüm and some chocolate. Now, I'm in the internet cafe part of my hostel. My legs are very tired, and I'm ready for bed. It's only 7:20, though, so I rented a movie on my computer and plan on watching that until I fall asleep. Tomorrow is a big day. I'm finally going to Klagenfurt. My plans for this day began last year around this time. Now, it is happening. I'm meeting another student at the train station, and he is going to help me get into my apartment. I think that the foreigners club at the university also has karaoke planned for all of us. We'll see how that goes. I will write when I arrive. Good night.

Österreich

I made it. I took 1 car, 6 trains, and 10 hours to get here. The train rides were short, which was good, but there were so many of them. Every 2 hours or so, I would switch to a new train at a new station. I arrived at the Salzburg Haupbahnhof about an hour ago. Then, I realized the directions I wrote down to the hostel were terrible. I was lost. I truly had no clue where to go. The only thing I knew was the street name, but apparently the streets aren't labeled here like they are in other places. I was walking aimlessly through the streets of Salzburg asking people if they knew where the street was, but nobody did. So I was walking, and I was trying to remember the diagram in my head of the directions on the website. It was left out of the station, then left at the gas station, then under the bridge, then right on some street, and finally right again on some other street. That was what I could remember. At the time I remember it, though, I had taken a left and a right and some more turns. I was lost. I had to go to the bathroom too. So, I did what I do when I don't know what to do. I said, "God, I'm lost. I have no clue where I am or where I'm going. Please help." I was walking as I was saying this. I came to the end of the street I was walking on, and I looked up because I saw for the first time a street sign. It said Parcelsusstraße. That's the name of the street I was looking for. I walked one block down, and there stood my hostel. Some of you might think, "Wow, what a lucky guy." Some of you may even think, "Oh my goodness, that's like an answered prayer or something." Both of those are kind of right, but seeing that street sign was so much more than an answered prayer. That street sign was a reminder of a promise. It was a promise that even though I'd left YWAM, my favorite place ever, God was still with me. He does not leave me, and He does not only stay in places like castles and storefronts. He is with you always. I am happy, and I'm tired. There are a lot of people downstairs at some kind of party, and they're playing Bon Jovi. Four of them are staying in this room with me. I've never seen them before, but I can imagine they are going to be coming in late and being quite loud. I need to get to deep sleep before that happens. I'm so happy I'm finally in this country. Sunday is my next day of travel. Who knows what tomorrow will be like. Bis Morgen.

Thank you Herrnhut

Tonight is my last night in Germany. I board a train to Salzburg tomorrow at 11 am, and my adventure continues. You're probably tired of reading the word adventure, but I don't know how else to describe this craziness that I'm experiencing right now. It's unplanned madness, and I think adventure is the only word fitting. My time here in Herrnhut has been wonderful. I had no clue it would be like it was. I came here with no expectations, and I'm leaving with another part of my love missing. The castle has taken a chunk of my passion, and I'm afraid I won't ever get it back until I return. I am fully expecting to return here somehow. I don't know when, and I don't know how, but I know that this is not the end of my relationship with this place and these people.

We had an American cuisine dinner tonight. I had a hamburger and milkshake. The food was great, but the atmosphere really made the night amazing. We spent the whole evening in the cafe talking. There were a lot of us; probably 40 or 50. Tons of little conversations could be found in every corner of the room. It was just one big family eating together. I loved it, and I'm happy it happened on my last night. Some of the people here prepared a card for me to take with. The only problem is, the card is huge. They wrote on a giant piece of cardboard. It's really huge. I don't know what I'm going to do with it. It's even too big to ship home. I was surprised by the gesture, but it goes along with the great things these people have already given me. I can't say enough how great I've been treated since I've been here.

I think if I write more, it will just be a lot of sad words. I am excited to finally get to Austria, but I'm a little sad that I won't be getting to Klagenfurt until Sunday. Salzburg is a great city, but I will be alone. I am sad to leave here. As always, tears of joy accompany tears of sorrow. I have lots of hope that the future will only contain days better than anything I've yet to experience. I have to pack now. All of my belongings, both clothes and items, are strewn across my giant room. There is no order, and there is no floor space. My stuff is everywhere, so I should start packing. It's pretty late, and I have to get up early. My next entry won't be until Salzburg. I'm looking forward to telling you the story of how I get there. Have a good afternoon America. Have a good night Herrnhut. I will miss you greatly. You have changed my life, and I owe you so much.

Cold

Today was so cold. Seriously, so cold. Coming from Iowa, I should be used to the cold, but I realized the difference between Iowans and these people in Herrnhut. We in Iowa, if I’m allowed to speak for all of us, stay inside when it’s cold. We go out to get from place to place, but we usually drive or walk short distances. We tend to stay inside rather than going out. These people are always going outside. They are always walking long distances. They are crazy. It is so cold. Today, I experienced that cold to the fullest. You know that I’ve been going to classes with the DTS, and I’ve been enjoying them. We’ve been getting to know each other, and we’ve been hearing great speakers speak on topics like eradicating extreme poverty, intercession, and living lives of worship. The speakers have been young and old, male and female, including many different ethnicities and spiritual backgrounds, but they have something in common, which is their extreme passion for the topic at hand. Some of them love playing guitar and singing songs, others love photography, and some even love “dangerous” places like Afghanistan and Ethiopian garbage cities. Their passion is contagious. It is encouraging. Everyday, we gain so much knowledge about the subject, but we also learn so much about each other and ourselves. Leaving class each day, the fire pushing us grows a little larger. It’s amazing. Today, we listened to another inspirational speaking. It was about the Moravians, the people who were sent out from Herrnhut 300 years ago. They were rejects, teenagers, homeless people, criminals. The odd crew of people became one of the most revolutionary mission movements in our western history. The crazy part is, how many of us have ever heard of them? They were radicals who carried there few possessions in their own coffins because they lived in expectancy of death at any moment. They were so passionate about reaching certain groups that they sold themselves into slavery in order to reach an unreached people group. They had no money, only Words. Many of them were the same age as me. They were some crazy people, and this morning, they gave all of us some wonderful inspiration. It was inspiration to move, to obey. Too often, we move on our own accord because we are too afraid that any other Way could work. We put too much trust in ourselves in hard times when we should be putting our trust elsewhere. I sat in a chair in the dining room, and I heard this history of the Moravians. I was moved. After the talk, we got the chance to do something few people get to do in their lives. I think more people would take advantage of this chance if they knew about it. We went to the Moravian cemetery. It’s here in Herrnhut. It’s only a 25-minute walk from the castle where I live. This is where the cold comes in. We walked there, and we stayed for about 30 minutes. The cemetery is on the outskirts of town with few trees to block the wind. It was an amazing sight, but the cold hindered our visit. I saw the grave of a 19-year old crippled boy who was the first person to tell slaves in the Caribbean Sea about Jesus. The boy was the only survivor of a boat bound for St. Thomas from Holland after it crashed against cliffs. He was left bloody, crippled, and naked on a rock in the sea. Captured later by men from St. Thomas, he was put into slavery where he became very sick from diseases that didn’t exist in Europe. Right before he died, he delivered the first sermon to the slaves of St. Thomas. That sermon saved several of the people in the crowd, and those people spread the news they had recently learned. The young, crippled, disease-ridden boy reached the unreached. In one corner of the cemetery stood a tall tower. From the tower, I could see the small village of Herrnhut, several neighboring visions, and many large windmills like the ones we have in Iowa. It was an impressive site, and it also made me feel like I was a couple centuries back seeing the small villages. It was so cold, though, so we went home. You should look up the Moravians. They are an interesting group of people that I’d like to learn more about. They were crazy, but that’s ok because they only ones for me are the mad ones. When we got home, I got something I’ve never gotten before. I got a German haircut. You may be asking yourself what a German haircut is, and the answer is simple. A German haircut is a haircut done in Germany by a German. There is a student here who used to be a hair stylist, and she offered to give anybody a haircut. If you saw me before I left Iowa, then you saw my hair. It was long, and it has finally been cut. I’m hoping to blend in with the Europeans more. I think I smile too much and talk too loud.

Tomorrow is my last day here. We are having a party, not for me. We are having an American food party: hamburgers, fries, coke, and milkshakes. We are also watching an American movie; hopefully Hot Rod. I think that has a great spirit of America in it. I don’t know if I’m in full support of an American night while we’re in Germany, but I’m down with the idea of a lot of people getting together to eat food and watch a movie. I’m excited for tomorrow. It’s going to be busy. I probably won’t write. I may not write until I get to Austria, but I will try to post something before I take off and when I get there. If you don’t hear from me when you expect to hear from me, don’t worry about it. I’ll be fine. I already told you to check out the Moravians, and I think you should check out this website too:

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1951019426/pick-a-pocket-a-collective-of-artists-fighting-ex

Watch the video and respond. It’s a group of people from here in the castle. They are good people with great hearts. They are young people who are crazy, kind of like the Moravians 300 years ago. I will talk to you soon. Let me know how you are doing. Send me a message. I’d like to know who’s actually reading this. I think all of you who care about me could send a little message saying how you’re doing or where you are. I’d love to hear from you. Until next time. Guten Nacht.

Milka

I don’t know if I’ve ever eaten so much chocolate in my life. Everyday, we have chocolate. I eat Nutella for breakfast. I usually have some little chocolate bar after lunch, and in the evening, we all dive into our Milka bars. Milka is like chocolate, but better than American chocolate. Maybe they have it in the United States, but I don’t know if I’ve ever seen it. So, we eat a lot of chocolate, and we drink a lot of coffee and tea. At 11 o’clock everyday, there is a coffee break with coffee, tea, and loads of fruit. It’s the strangest thing right before lunch, but everybody enjoys it. Must be some kind of German tradition. I think I’d like to take it back with me. Mornings always need breaks, and coffee and fruit can be consumed always. I thought it was important to tell you all of that, for some reason. There is a mad game of Dutch Blitz, some crazy card game, going on behind me right now with lots of yelling, flying arms, and laughing. With so many people in this building, it seems like there is never a dull moment. There are times, though, when all of us realize that we don’t really know each other at all. Those thoughts usually come when we’re all tired after a long day. Conversations get quiet then. I remember those times on my DTS. The times when nobody is really sure what to say, so nobody takes a risk to say anything. It was only at the beginning of the school. Those silent times are happening less and less everyday as everybody gets to know each other better. We are finding out new things about each other daily. Things like one of the students has 12 brothers and sisters, another speaks 3 languages and 5 dialects of one of those 3, another is certified in underwater hunting, and many more. With so many people, you don’t get much time to spend with each one of them. I feel like I know everybody, but there are people who I haven’t shared my stories with. There are many students and staff that I have shared with, though. It’s incredible how different our stories from the past our but how similar are goals for the future are. I guess it’s not that incredible considering I’m at a YWAM base where everybody is fairly young and has thoughts of serving others in the future in one form or another. There’s always at least one connection that we all have, and that’s a rather big connection. “Blessed be the tie that binds,” says my watch from Megan. There is a tie that binds us all together: family, friends, schoolmates, neighbors, strangers. Every person here has discovered that tie at some point or another in their lives, and if they haven’t yet, they will soon. I am so excited for the students here. I remember how clueless I was at the beginning of my DTS. I had no clue what was going to happen each week, who I was living with, where I was going for outreach, or anything really. I had no clue what was in store for me, and that’s why I’m so excited for these students. I try to tell them when I get the chance, but I don’t want to sound like I’m a graduate know-it-all. I just wish that I could sit every person down at one point or another and tell them the things I’ve learned and know, and I wish that I could hear the same from them. I think I’d like to do that with every person; not just in this school, but everywhere. Who wouldn’t want to do that, though? I can’t imagine anybody turning down that offer if they were given it.

My time in the castle is nearing its end. Everyday, as I’ve told you before, people ask me when I’m going to join staff or if I’ve decided to stay forever or how I can leave after I’ve just met everybody. I ask myself the same questions. They aren’t easy to answer, but I’ve had some help this time. You see, I would love to stay here in the castle. I would love to stay in Herrnhut, and I would love to stay with YWAM. I would love to join staff here, and I would love to be a part of this school. I would love all of it. But, that’s just the problem. I would love all of those things. Those are things that I want. My decision would affect my family and friends in Iowa, not just me. That decision is also not mine to make, but it belongs to somebody far greater. My path has already been decided; at least the next step. That step is to go to Klagenfurt, where adventures beyond my imagination await me. I have no clue what is going to meet me there. I only know that it is where I will be next, and it is where I am supposed to be. It’s a whole new adventure on this already crazy journey. I am excited to start it. I bought my ticket today. I am leaving Herrnhut this Friday to go to Austria. I will be arriving in Salzburg, the city where Sound of Music was filmed, on Friday night, and I will be staying there until Sunday. On Sunday, I am going to be making my way 3 hours south to Klagenfurt. While in Salzburg, I will be staying in a hostel with 5 other people; strangers. This is the part that excites me. I’m going to be rooming with people I’ve never seen or talked to. They may not even speak my language; just another part of the great and terrible. Who knows which one of those descriptions it will fit. I hope great, but I suppose terrible could happen too. Either way, I will let you know when I find out. I think there is free Internet. There are also free showings of Sound of Music playing all day in the lobby. I’m excited. Today is almost over, and it’s only 8 pm. Waking up early is nice because you can go to bed so early. I walked to town today, too, which is a bit of a walk. Ich habe meine erste Deutsche Bibel heute gekauft. Hopefully, it will help me speak better. That whole speaking thing in Austria is making me nervous. I’m hearing stories of people coming here, though, and not speaking any English when they came. I’ve met two people who have said that to me, in English. They are now translating only 1 year after they spoke their first English sentence. That gives me hope. When you have the right People helping, learning can be really easy. I will let you know my progress. That is all I have to say for today. It was a great day but very cold. I read this today, and it made me think. I would like you to think about it too. It comes from a reliable source.

“The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what he does for us, not by what we are and what we do for him.”

not much

I don’t really know what to write tonight. Maybe that means I shouldn’t write anything, but I feel I have to write something so you know I’m ok. If I didn’t write anything, your mind might be wandering for the next 24 hours about my health and whereabouts. I know you all worry about me, so I am writing. Today was the first day of DTS lecture. The speaker for the school missed a flight, though, so the day was kind of thrown together last minute; kind of like this post. My mind is just wondering right now. Everything is good in the castle. People keep asking me if I’ve decided to stay forever. They even gave me a staff application. It hurts every time to tell them I have to leave. I bought my train ticket today and made a hostel reservation. That was about the only thing I got done during the light hours. There is too much going on around me for me to be writing right now, and I’m really tired. Sorry this post is so short. Maybe tomorrow will be longer. It’s time for me to go. I have some chocolate to eat.

Dresden

Great and terrible. Everyday, these words prove themselves true. Maybe that’s just because life is life, but I think that they have been especially prominent since I left Iowa. They proved themselves again yesterday when I went to Dresden. We had the day off, so we decided to leave the comfort of the castle for the big city. Well, I actually have everyday off, so it doesn’t matter for me. The students didn’t have anything to do, though, so I was excited to go with them. We left the castle around 9 to go to the bank to pick up money and then head for the bus stop. Thirteen of us met at the bus stop: some students, one staff, one guest. That was the first part of the trip; just getting to the bus stop with everybody. The goal was to split into groups of 5 and one group of 3 because there was a special ticket price for groups of 5. The bus arrived at 9:45 to take us to Loebau, which is only about 15 minutes away. We were so excited until we realized that we had no clue what time the train from Loebau would be leaving for Dresden. All that we had thought of was getting on the bus to the first destination. We totally forgot about looking up times for the train to Dresden, our second destination. So when we got to the train station, we worked on locating a schedule. All of us were trying to find the next train time, when somebody asked, “What about that train over there?” There was a train on the other side of the tracks that was preparing to go, and somebody must’ve read somewhere that it was heading for Dresden. We quickly ran down the stairs, under the tracks, and up onto the train that we thought was heading for the city. Luckily, we were right. Unluckily, we had to sit between two sets of soccer fans headed to the Dresden FC game that day. It would not have been that bad, but they were loud and drunk. They smelled too. An hour later, after listening to team chants and songs, we got to Dresden Neustadt. The city of Dresden is split into several different parts: Neustadt (New City), Altstadt (Old City), and downtown. Some of us headed to the Neustadt where we were hoping to find a bookstore, secondhand store, and piercing store. The others headed to the downtown area to go shopping at the bigger American stores that had found there way into the old, historic German city. I went to the New City in hopes of finding a new book and deodorant. Our goal was to meet back together at the Dresden Neustadt station at 4:30 to catch the 4:45 train home. We headed out of the station towards, well we headed towards something, but we weren’t quite sure where. We didn’t know where we were going after we got out of the train station, and the problem about not knowing where you want to go is that you can’t find directions. My dad says, “If you don’t know where you are going, any road will take you there.” I used that sentence, and I led. It was like the blind leading the blind. We were just walking aimlessly through the cold weather looking for anything that looked interesting. It was really cold, like Iowa cold. We walked for an hour before we found an information center. We had been walking in circles around the area that we were looking for. The disappointment of walking around in the cold was great, but the pleasure and excitement of finally finding a place to go was greater. We found a street that had everything we could’ve ever wanted. It had restaurants, cafes, secondhand stores, 1-euro stores, jewelry stores, indie ethnic stores, photo booths, and lots of punk kids. We spent the whole day there, and they took lots of pictures, of course, because they are all photographers. It was really cold outside, so as soon as we left one store, we looked for the next new store to crawl in for heat. Before lunch, I found deodorant and chocolate. You might be asking yourself why deodorant is such a big deal to me. Well, apparently in Germany, people aren’t big on stick deodorant. You know, like the deodorant that all of us Americans use? Yeah, they don’t really have that very many places. I found it, though, and I was excited about it. So, we spent most of the day on that back-alley-kind-of-street, and then we headed back to the train station. After meeting up with the other group, we got on a train back to Loebau. Once again, we didn’t even think about the idea of looking up the time for the next bus to Herrnhut. Getting off the train, I found the schedule. 2 hours. The next bus wasn’t coming for 2 hours. By this time, it was really cold outside, so we ran across the street and found refuge in an ATM vestibule. It was kind of like a small room with several ATMs in it that had just enough space for 13 of us to wait in warmth. It didn’t take too long for all of us to be in the little room to get bored, until we discovered something. One of us found out that if you push the little buttons on one of the machines, it makes noises. The noises led to a dance party, and the dance party led to a music video on one of the cameras. 11 of us were dancing to the small noises made by the person pushing the buttons on the machine while one person was videotaping. The funny thing about that was, we were in an ATM vestibule. People came in and out to use the machines. We kept dancing until a van from YWAM came and saved us. It was a great relief when I got back to the castle to find out that dinner wasn’t finished. We were over an hour late for the meal, but the students were in charge of cooking dinner, so of course it was late. How can you expect four 18-year olds to cook a full meal for 50 people, and get it done in time? You can’t. They were basically experimenting with the stew for a couple hours before finally putting it out for everybody to try, and it was an hour late, which fit our schedule well. The meat was chewy, and there was a lot of red cabbage, but it was great to eat a hot dinner after a long day out in the cold. Overall, the day was wonderful. It was good to get out of Herrnhut and see people again. Sometimes, I think that YWAMers are the only people alive in this small village because they are the only people I ever see. All of the businesses close down when it gets dark, which happens around 4 pm. The village is basically is a ghost town. That’s why it was good to be in a city. I miss people sometimes. Now, it’s Sunday. We haven’t had much to do, but the students have been working on their photos. A wild game of Apples to Apples is going on behind the couch I’m sitting on, so I think it’s time to stop writing and starting socializing. Schoenes Sonntag.

TGIF

If you’ve been reading my recent posts, then you know that I’ve been writing less and less about what happens each day and more and more about what I think during the days. If I were to write what I thought today, I would be up all night. Today was a great day. It’s always a great day when you start off with worship. It’s kind of like waking up and saying, “Today really isn’t about me is it? It’s not about how I look, or what I do. It’s about something better.” That’s a good way to start a day. After singing, we finished up the rest of our introductory photo classes. Today’s classes dealt with developing film and what the point of taking pictures is. Soup was for lunch; lots of vegetables. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you something. Everyday, we have coffee break. The coffee is ok, but the thing that is really cool is that there are fruits also. Lots of fruit. Everyday, each of us eats a banana, orange, grapes, and apple. We eat lots of fruit. It makes my insides feel good. Lunch usually makes me feel good too. After lunch, I sat by a girl who was on staff at YWAM Afghanistan and had a talk. She asked me, funny enough, what my vision for the future was. When I heard her ask that, I laughed. Then I had to explain myself for laughing at her. I told her that I had just written a blog entry about that exact question, and then I answered that I don’t really know what my future looks like. I know that I will be a teacher, and I will probably be teaching in a place outside of the USA. We talked for a long time, and it was a very passionate conversation. Talks like that are very healthy and necessary for growth. It was challenging, and I believe it was beneficial for both of us. I’m very tired right now, so it’s hard for me to write. I feel like I’m letting you down because I think my writing is kind of crappy. I apologize. I’ve been waking up early and going to bed late. Tomorrow, I’m going with some students and staff to Dresden to hang out for the day. It’s about an hour away by train, and it only costs us 7 euro to get there. I’m excited to get out of this little town for a while and see a city. I will let you know how the day goes, and what the exciting parts were. Until then, have a great day. Don’t forget to smile, like I’ve said before. Talk to you tomorrow.

Zukunft

Today, somebody asked me what my vision for life is. That’s a big question. Think about it. Sometimes, we make goals. Lots of times we make to-do lists for the day or week. Many times, we make resolutions on New Years for the upcoming year. Our parents or teachers often ask for goals for the next 5 or even 10 years. But a vision for life? That’s huge. I mean, think about it. How hard is it to get everything done that we set for ourselves on New Year’s Eve? How hard is it to even do everything that we want to get done each day? Getting things done is hard, and I guess if we start way back at the beginning, thinking of things to get done is harder. It once took my sisters and me over a year for us to write down our short-term (5 year) goals when our dad asked for them. So, goals are difficult. Figuring out what we are going to do is really hard. Then, we have to remember that life isn’t always about what we want to do. Sometimes, most of the time actually, life is about what somebody else wants us to do. It’s about what our parents, friends, teachers, leaders want us to do. More importantly, it’s about what our Creator wants us to do. You know, the person who created you several years ago but planned out your existence before time began? You know that one; the one who has this perfect path marked for you, but sometimes you choose to go off on your own. I hope you know. You see, that one has a plan for you; a perfect plan. He is the one who knows where you should go when you are lost, and he wants to tell you. We just have difficulties listening. Ok, so this is some of the stuff that was going through my head this afternoon when the staff member asked me what my life vision was. Do you see my predicament? Not only do I have to think about what’s going to happen next week when I have to get to Austria and somehow find out where my place of living is, but I also have to think about what’s going to happen in 2 years when I graduate. And that’s only the beginning of the vision. Of course, there are things that have gone through my mind about my future. They are pictures of places and people that I think might be possibilities. But even then, I don’t know if they are my own pictures, or somebody else’s pictures. It’s a difficult process. While all of these difficult thoughts and ideas were floating around, people were waiting for an answer. I could see the look of anticipation of some great answer. You know, something like: “Well, I think that I’m going to someday live in a village of unreached people where I can start a school that teaches people basic things like hygiene and food preservation.” That’s a great vision, but I don’t know whom it belongs to. My vision is much foggier; kind of like the evenings I used to experience in the Presidio district of San Francisco on my way home to the Tenderloin. I would walk out of the apartment where I watched two little boys, and I would enter a cloud. We were on a hill, so we were actually in the cloud. It was a magnificent picture with so much fog. The word ‘magnificent’ is not what I think of when I think of that thick cloud fogging up my vision of my own future. The word is my like ‘frustrating’. I would love to someday wake up to find a peace of paper next to my bed telling me directions for my life for the next X years. Or maybe I wouldn’t? Ok, so back to the story. I was sitting there in my chair thinking, and they were waiting, so I answered what I knew. I answered, “I think that my life has a purpose that I don’t necessarily know yet. I think that I have been given gifts that were once talents, but now I can see that they can be used for a greater purpose than winning a contest or impressing somebody. As far as my future job looks, it could be anything, but I know it will involve one thing. That one thing is interaction. My future is filled with loving people. It’s filled with being loved and having the opportunity to show peoples the Love I receive daily.” That was all I could say. I know that sounds like an answer anybody could say, but I think that’s the point. Sometimes, I think that the stuff I write in this blog is crazy. I think that it is stuff I’m supposed to keep to myself because they are only thoughts that I receive through my experiences. I think a lot that it’s stupid to share because they are only words of an imperfect person; an imperfect person who happens to be lonely sometimes in a big castle. My words are just words, as I’ve said before. I am no different than you. I am only human, and anything that is good in my life is not actually mine. The bad things can belong to me, but the good things belong to somebody else. I think about that a lot. I’m discouraged about my writing a lot, but then I think about other things that encourage me. What if you are thinking the exact same thing as me someday? What if there is one of you reading this that has been having similar thoughts, but thought that you were crazy for thinking them. Or maybe you are just like me, just like a bunch of people with crazy thoughts. I think there are more people with these thoughts and other thoughts that flow through our brains. No matter what, we are not alone. We aren’t alone today in our minds, and we aren’t alone in our actions in our futures. That’s the whole point; your future is not just for yourself. You have a teammate, a partner. I have trouble remembering that. When I was asked that question today, I wanted to answer my own dreams that I’ve had. These are dreams of someday being a teacher living in a distant land. I will wait to give a full answer to the question until I find out for sure that those dreams are not only mine.

I hope that you don’t just read through my posts everyday to find out information about me. My life is exciting, sometimes, but other times it is very boring. Either way, I try to write things to help you think about your own lives. I think there is a communal sense among all humans that causes people to think about ideas like this one. Hopefully, you are thinking about crazy things too. Tell me about them. Any of them. Send me an email because I’d love to hear. My email is thomaspanicucci@gmail.com. I’m 35 minutes late on the girls floor tonight. Time for bed. Boa Noite.

We're Emo

Guess what I learned today: ISO, aperture, and shutter speed. It’s crazy stuff. ISO is the light sensitivity of the film. So you want a lower ISO for higher light, and vice versa. Lower ISO usually means higher quality. Aperture is the amount of light that is let in, and that has to do with the depth of the field. Shutter speed means how fast light is let in. Faster shutter speeds are used for stand still pictures, and slower shutter speeds are for things you want to capture in motion. It’s a whole lot of stuff that I may never use again, but I’m happy to learn it now. Everything has a purpose, right? I think so. It was lots of new information. As I’ve said before, I enjoy learning all of this stuff. Maybe it’s just because I enjoy learning. So class was all right, and then we had lunch: tortellini. Lunch was delicious today. It’s the only hot meal of the day, which is weird because I come from America where dinner is always the biggest, hottest meal. Here, everything seems to be different. We have big lunches, then small sandwiches for dinner. It takes awhile to get used to, and I think that it might take me a little longer than usual. It’s a strange concept that might not seem totally weird to you, but really try to imagine it. It really makes a difference that you don’t eat the biggest meal at dinner. At first, we were all really disappointed, but most of us have come to accept the fact that that is how things are and will be. I finally got to do something today that I’ve been asking to do for days. That something is help out in the kitchen; doing dishes, sweeping the floor, helping prep, and even just carrying out the food. Today, I got to peel potatoes. I peeled a lot of potatoes in a room while listening to German opera. Herr Balong would be proud. We spent two hours in the kitchen making potato salad (Kartoffelsalat). I told the head of the kitchen that I first had to clean the toilets, then I could help clean the potatoes, but she replied, “No! First, you clean potatoes, and then you clean toilets. Not the other way around.” German mothers are intimidating so I obeyed. In the afternoon, we got to go to our last class, worship. It was the only class I knew anything about. Finally, I was on par with the other students in my group. We all worship, and we all have our own knowledge, but it is good to share that knowledge with others and learn from them. During this class, I came across a new concept. That concept is that my generation is an emo generation. It is emo in the sense that we are very emotional. We are dependent on our emotions. Emotions guide us in our hard times, and they show us the light in our best times. Our feelings are always there, but sometimes they hold us back. Often, we expect to feel something in a certain situation, and when that feeling does not occur, we feel robbed. Kind of like we are expecting to feel something, and we put so much of ourselves into feeling that one emotion that when we don’t feel it, it’s as if the situation must not have been true. I don’t know if this is making sense to you, but I’m trying. I think that what I’m trying to say is this: people are always doubting because they do not feel how they expect to feel when they encounter a certain situation. That means that we decide what is true and what is false based off of our feelings. Isn’t that kind of limiting? I mean, can’t something be true even though we may not feel it is true? Are our feelings always right? The answer there should be obvious if you happen to be somebody who’s ever thought you loved somebody then found out that they are not actually the person you thought they were. The answer should also be obvious if you’ve ever felt really good about a test then received a grade a little lower than you expected. Hopefully neither of those situations has happened in your life, but it is hard to make it through without being disappointed or let down by your expectations. I’m not saying that your feelings are wrong. Many times, your feelings are the only truth available to you but not always. The whole point of this new thought in my head is that there is truth somewhere. In this big world, there is truth. Even in this body, there is truth. There is truth that I may never fully know, and there is some that I may someday understand. Opposite of truth, there are falsehoods. There are many of them. I think they started coming into existence somewhere around the time clothes were invented. So, we have truth, and we have lies. How do we know what is what? We ask. Sometimes, we try to find the truth by ourselves. If that is what you do, good luck. I have tried; it doesn’t work very well for me. I hope that you are able to read the meaning through the craziness of these words. I hope that you never stop feeling your emotions because without them, you are just a robot (I am a robot. I eat chocolate and robot food). At times, we are robots, but we are meant to be much more than that. It would be sad if we were reduced to nothing more than instincts; forgetting all of our emotions and feelings. Feelings are supposed to be liberating, but when we put limits on what we think truth is through feelings, they are nothing more than walls separating us from Truth. Try to think about that today. Tell me what you think. I may be wrong. I think that at least part of it is right. I’d love to hear from you. I’d love for you to really hear from me. I was supposed to leave the girls floor 12 minutes ago, but this ending held me up. Time for bed now. Have a great day today. Smile at somebody.

Day 7: 1st Week Down

I thought I was becoming a photographer yesterday. Turns out, I actually began my training today. The DTS was split into different groups and moved all over the castle to learn different steps of the photographing process. I was happy to hear that I was placed in a group too. It’s exciting to learn something totally new. I spent the first hour of the rotation in the dark room with my pinhole camera. Unfortunately, it wasn’t finished, so I had to use an old one. I learned all about the process of setting up the dark room in order to develop photos. It made me happy to hear that it was one of the other student’s first times in a room like that too. If they would’ve tossed me in there and said, “go”, I would’ve been so lost. It’s a complicated process, at least to somebody who knows nothing about developing photos. You have to make sure the door is shut, but not only the door to the room. You have to make sure the door to the door to the room is shut. The lights have to be off in the first room before you can turn them off in the second, and then you have to turn on a red light. I would do the process injustice if I tried to explain it to you. Your best bet is just to ask Elliot or somebody else who knows more than me. It was cool to load the cardboard box cameras and take a picture then see it developed. Mine turned out to be all black, which meant that the camera I used had some sort of light leak in it. Oops. Oh well, it was still fun to see it happen. Next was learning about developing black and white film. Evidently film is different than developing RC paper, which is what I developed with the pinhole camera. Everything is totally new to me. It’s all probably really easy to understand, but I still feel lost in the whole thing. I like learning, though. After the film section, lunch came and went. After lunch, the toilets came. I don’t know if I’m just getting lucky or people aren’t pooping, but there is never poop on the toilets. That makes me happy. Cleaning toilets is something new for me, but I think it is revolutionizing my life. Or maybe it’s just the smells from being too close to the toilets. Either way, it is good to give back to the castle for all that they are constantly doing for me. Everyday, somebody different asks me what I’m doing in the castle. I tell them that I’m only passing through and that I’m a guest, not a student. Every single person that I’ve told my story to has told me that there is no way I’m going to be able to leave. They say that once people come to the castle, they never want to leave. I can understand why. I think that if I could, I would stay forever, but I can’t. My plans are to leave next Friday for Salzburg until school starts in February. I’m not looking forward to saying goodbye to the magnificent Watercastle, and the wonderful people living inside the castle. Saying goodbye to the castle will only be saying hello to Austria, though, and it’s a necessary part to the journey. I spent most of the afternoon again in the café talking to more of the people from the Pick A Pocket ministry. I talk to them everyday, and everyday I’m amazed by what I hear. I feel like what I’m writing may be a little boring for you, so if you ever feel like my writing is dragging on, just stop reading and go do something exciting instead. You won’t hurt my feelings because there’s really no why I’ll know that you did it. I don’t even really know who reads this rambling writing. The only way I know is if you leave me a comment at the end of my messages. Apparently, only my mom reads because she’s the only one who’s left a message. All of the rest of you must be too lazy. Just kidding, you don’t have to write anything, but remember, I’d love to hear how everything is going in your life; no matter who you are. That is unless your life is boring, but I don’t think that is true for any of you. Sometimes it’s hard for me to remember that I’m writing this and people are reading it. I usually write at the end of the night when I have nothing else to do, and I try to remember everything that happened during the day. Rarely can I remember everything, but I try. It’s something I enjoy. I tell the students that they can take photographs, but I like to write, even if it’s just about my unexciting day. So, I guess what I’m trying to say is, my writing may not always be exciting or filled with information. It may be truly stupid and boring or useless, but it serves a purpose. It is very important for me. I like to not only let you know what is happening, but I like to make sure that I remember what happens for myself. Most of the stuff that I write about in this blog is also written I my journal, but I write much more personal things there. Writing is good for everybody. It is healing. It is relaxing. Writing is sometimes boring, but always necessary. Writing is thinking, and it is also an adventure. Somebody, I think from a movie, once told me that writing is a journey into the unknown. I really enjoy that statement. None of this may mean anything to you, but I think it is good for people to hear. I will step down off of my soapbox now and say goodnight. Bis Morgen.

I'm a photographer now

Today was the first day of class, and if I had to think of a theme that fit the entire day it would be something about stepping out and making yourself vulnerable. I woke up very early this morning to make DTS breakfast. They always ask me why I wake up to eat with them, but they don’t realize that they are the people I like to hang out with, even at 7 in the morning. So we ate weird nuts and berries instead of cereal again this morning, and then worship was after. I forget how magical YWAM worship is. If you ever get the chance to participate in singing songs and dancing at a YWAM base, take it because it will change your life. It’s just amazing how great you feel while standing next to 80 people you’ve known for 5 days and they’re all singing there hearts out. Just try it some time. After a short break, I joined the DTS on their first class. I made sure to check with the school leaders before coming in because I still don’t want them to feel like I’m trying to join the school. They are so nice and understanding though, and they were excited when I asked if I could sit in. Class was great. We spent an hour on introductions, and then we got to learn the history of Herrnhut and the YWAM Watercastle where we are living. Turns out that Herrnhut is a historically rich city, especially when it comes to missionaries. You should read about it because I’m sure that I won’t get everything right, but I will try to explain to you everything I heard. The little village began centuries ago when a powerful Count S. allowed all kinds of youth, Jews, thieves, and poor people to come live in the village that was his. He opened the doors for people who normally got doors slammed in their faces, and for that act of kindness, the people loved him. With the help of Somebody else, all of the outcasts now living in the village became Christians, and eventually the village sent out one of the first known European missionaries. They told us more about the history of the town, but I must’ve forgotten it already. I do know, though, that one of the major steps in the beginning of this YWAM base occurred at the grave of that man who was the famous first missionary. Some people from Stuttgart were visiting the small village a couple years ago because they had gotten a word from God saying that Herrnhut might be important in the future for YWAM. So they came, and they went on a tour. They ended up at one point in a missionary graveyard on the other side of town, and they all were feeling a little negative about the idea of moving to the small village. Just then, Jan the base leader here, looked down and realized that he was standing next to the gravestone of his hero, the first missionary from Herrnhut. He realized then that this was supposed to be the place for the base, so they started looking for a building. They ended up finding the castle here and found out that it was going to cost 2.1 Euro. They prayed again, and they offered the owner 250,000 Euro. In the end, the final price was settled at 270,000 Euro. Only problem was, they were all missionaries without any money. So they prayed again, and they split up to visit Dallas and a mega church in Korea to ask for money. Neither opportunity turned out to be a monetary success, but not long after the teams got back, an offer came in the mail to loan the money without interest. That offer didn’t give them peace, so they waited and received another offer to pay fully for the castle out of an old missionary’s inheritance. Again, no peace, so they turned down the money. Two days before the money was due, the man who offered to loan the money learned that he was supposed to actually donate the money, so he did. The castle was bought, and the first DTS began only a couple weeks later. It was an amazing story, and if you ever get the chance to talk to Jan Schlegel, take it. He’s an amazing speaker with an awesome story.

So we learned about the history, and then we ate lunch. After lunch, work duties were assigned to the students, but I thought it was necessary to be a part of the work duties too. I got assigned the guest/staff toilets. Luckily, nobody pooped before that part of the day. I offered to clean the girls’ toilets because they always tell me that they don’t poop, even though Megan and Lindsey have shown me that they do. So I cleaned the toilets, and spent the rest of the afternoon in the café. A little before dinner, the students gathered in the dining hall to start making their pinhole cameras. Oh yeah, I don’t know if I’ve explained that this is a photo DTS. They are all photographers; artists. They are all pierced, tattooed, dreaded, crazily dressed people from all over the world. They seem to be very creative and know everything about photography. I try not to let them see me taking pictures, and I try not to let them ask me questions about my camera. I also try to stay out of their photography classes, but this one was unavoidable. They were supposed to find a box around the castle in order to make a camera tonight before dinner. I explained that I couldn’t find a box, but one of them said they had one for me so I was bound to make a camera too. It was a pinhole camera, which is kind of old school. It’s just a box with a small hole in it that allows light in to make an impression on light sensitive paper. I take my first picture tomorrow. I’ll let you know how it goes. After making the camera and eating dinner, we came upstairs to have more coffee and cakes. I spent most of the night talking to some of the German students who don’t get the chance to talk to many of the other students because they don’t speak very good English. We spoke about the German education system. It’s confusing. I’m confused. I’m tired. I’m going to bed. See you tomorrow.

Sabbath

We are told to honor the Sabbath. Often times, people go to church on Sunday and say that it is that action which makes Sunday the Sabbath. The thing is, I don’t know if that is true. I know that we are supposed to honor the Sabbath in our lives in order to keep ourselves in optimal health, but I think that the Day of Rest is more than just going to church. I guess I don’t know that much about Sabbath, but from what I know, it is more like giving yourself one day a week to rest and do nothing else. That means no work; not even school. If that is true, then today was definitely the Sabbath. We did nothing. There were no events planned, other than meals and coffee break, so we spent most of the day just hanging out. I guess I should rewind to what happened last night before I talk about today. I got back to my room last night a little before I went to bed to find another guy in there. He was dropping his girlfriend off at the school, and he would be leaving the next day. He was German, and his English was limited. We spent most of the night laying on our beds talking to each other; he was speaking English, and I was speaking German. Neither of us was perfect, so every once in awhile, there would be a pause where the other person would fill in the correct word. It was great. He kept saying, “This is so funny: two guys from different countries speaking different languages while talking with each other.” When I woke up this morning, after he left, I found out that he had a little Frau Lehman in him, or maybe it’s just the spirit of Germans to give things to Iowans because I found 10 Euro placed under my computer. I can say that I’ve been treated very well since I’ve been here. It’s incredible how much hospitality I’ve received in just these short 5 days. People, including myself, could really learn something from the Germans I’ve met so far: be nice to guests. This morning, again, we had brunch. Castles have brunch. There were sandwiches and nuts. I guess that people eat mixtures of nuts with milk instead of cereal. I had oatmeal. During brunch, I learned more about Pick A Pocket, one of the ministries here. Every time I hear about it, it amazes me. You should check it out. Here are some websites: www.myspace.com/pickapockettour and www.pickapocket.net. They are planning on travelling around the United States later this spring to cities on the east coast while trying to raise awareness about extreme global poverty. It’s an amazing ministry dealing with people and places that most of us never think about. After brunch, I spent most of the day on the student floor getting to know the people more. There are a lot of interesting people here. Interesting, as in good, not bad. Nothing really happened other than telling each new person who you are and what you are. Dinner came and went, and nobody had any plans for the night until two girls came into the dining hall shouting, “We’re going sledding! Who wants to come with?” I was the only one who bit the hook, so the 3 of us headed out to the hill in the forest called Slow Death. It’s a really long hill that is really slow. It’s not steep, and it’s not short. Are spirits were so high on our climb up the hill, but we lost one of the girls because she was out of breath. So the 2 of us made it to the top, only to find out that it was too flat at the top to start off. Pushing ourselves down the hill slowly, we eventually took off after we had pushed ourselves halfway down. That little ride was great though. Lots of snow in the pants and very cold hands. It only took a couple rides down the hill and walking back up to wear us out, so we went back. I’m back here now, and the guys just left. I’m left alone on the student floor with all of the girls, so it’s time to head downstairs. Last night was a late night staying up talking with Matthias, so tonight will be early. Tomorrow, classes start for the DTS, so I will have to find something else to do. I hear that there is a giant tree swing somewhere hidden in the forest, and I also hear that there are wild boars out there that have attacked students before. I think I’ll try to find both. Forget about wolves, there are actually boars. Good night my friends, bis Morgen.

Day 4

Saturday. Today was the first day of the DTS. Most of them have arrived, but there are still some on the way. A lot of them come from America, but there are also several Germans, Dutch, and one from Sweden, Australia, and Mexico. I’m happy that it has finally started, because I have people to hang out with now. When I woke up this morning, there was a brunch at 9 where everybody got to meet each other. Most of them had already met each other, but there were several new arrivals that were tossed into the crowd. It was good to eat with some people. Eating by yourself is good when you’re in a hurry; otherwise, it is a very lonely thing. Some people didn’t understand that it was a brunch and not a breakfast, so they kept asking, “Germans eat sandwiches for breakfast? Weird.” I sat down at a table with one staff member and a couple students, and we started talking about where we were from and what was going on in our lives. It’s amazing how many connections you may have with total strangers once you sit down and talk with them. Since I’ve been here, I’ve met somebody with a best friend who goes to UNI, somebody who lived in the town I’m reading about in my book, somebody who knows a good friend of mine from San Francisco, and many other people with similar passions and dreams. I think that’s just part of YWAM; so many people with so many similarities. So we got to know each other over brunch, and we were left with nothing to do until coffee and cake at 2. I had heard that they needed help shoveling a path to the fire because there was supposed to be a barbecue later on, so I headed outside to see what needed to be done. I opened the door to go outside with a shovel and almost stepped on a chicken. Apparently, they not only have (had) bunnies as pets (food), but they also have chickens (food/pets). It was a surprise to me to see a chicken just hanging outside the door, but I’ve come to learn to drop my expectations about this magical castle. Everyday I see something that surprises me; something that makes me ask myself, “Did that just happen? Was I the only one who saw that?” That must come with living in a castle in the woods surrounded by wild beasts. So I went out to shovel because it made me feel good doing something, and after making the path to the burn pit, I went back in to see if anything was going on upstairs on the student floor. I got to the 3rd floor and discovered something similar to the first day of my DTS. There were people putting stuff away in their rooms, but there were also people sitting together on the couches. Everybody was sitting there; nobody was talking. Haha. I thought it was funny, and soon conversation started picking up. We started this game called Loaded Questions, but it didn’t make much sense because the point of the game was to know the humor of each person. Oh well; it was fun to hang out with people and laugh. At 2, we had coffee and cakes; lots of cakes. Nothing really happened for the rest of the day until dinner, but it was still good to have people to hang out with in the castle. Tonight was the opening night for the DTS, so they had a barbecue/smorgasbord with lots of food and lots of sausage. All of the staff and students were there, so it was a large crowd of people in a small version of the Hogwarts dining room. After dinner was worship out by a fire where the meat was grilled, but it was so cold and windy that a lot of people (Southern Californians and other people from warm spots) went back inside to the warm comfort of the castle. Overall, I don’t have much to write today. I usually spend the whole day writing because I have nothing else to do, but I’m happy to say that I was occupied with something other than my computer and journal for most of the day. It’s been really lonely up to now, but I think things are turning around now that there are more people in the castle at all times. I’ve kind of been taken is as one of the new students. Everybody is so nice to me and treats me like family. It’s great. I think I will be sad to leave here in two weeks, but the good news is that I’m planning on visiting Salzburg between here and Klagenfurt. Salzburg, in case you don’t know, is where the Sound of Music was held. Hopefully I will be gifted with a musical talent on my pass through. We will have to wait and see. It is now time for bed. I think that somebody moved into my room, so we will find out in a little bit. Hope you have a great day wherever you are. Guten Nacht von Deutschland.

Day 3

I made it back last night just fine. No wolves. I did run into somebody in the forest, though, and it nearly made me pee my pants. I walked into town to see what was going on since nothing was happening in the castle. It seems as if there is nobody living in Herrnhut, or maybe it’s just that the whole town shuts down when it gets dark, which is around 4 pm. I did find a little penny market (kind of like a convenience store), and I got myself some necessities I had been lacking: body wash and a bar of chocolate. I decided not to venture too far into the dark neighborhoods because I was afraid my toes were going to freeze off if I got lost, so I made my way home.

This morning I woke up after adjusting my alarm to go off a little later. I wasn’t going to make the mistake of getting up too early again and having nothing to do. I also wasn’t going to make the mistake of showering at the wrong time, so I may be a little smelly today. Oh well. Speaking of smelly, I got to help out around the base today. I was heading into the café to do a little more of nothing when a girl stopped me and asked if I wanted to help do something outside in the cold. I figured it was better than doing nothing, so I went with her without asking what it was I would be doing. She brought me to the little building outside of the castle and we went inside to what is referred to as the “coal room”. It was a room filled with firewood, coal, cardboard boxes, garbage bags filled with ashes, and old bunny cages filled with nasty hay and lots of poop. She told me that I could help her out by dumping the ashes into the bio-waste containers on the other side of the castle, sorting the cardboard boxes and taking them to the deposit place, and cleaning up the hay that was strewn throughout the room along with the poop pellets. The work was great. At the end, my snot was black, and my mouth was filled with remnants of ash, hay, and I think a little bunny poop. I may or may not have the black lung now, but I was happy to finally help the base. I’ve had a place to stay and free food without actually doing anything in return, so this helped me feel a little better. After the clean-up job, we had lunch without a lot of the new DTS students who are arriving. There are 42 of them in all, but only about half are here so far. The school starts tomorrow, so they are all coming soon. I am just blending in with them as one of the new people. Since that was my only job for the day, I am left again with not much to do.

Tonight was supposed to be the first night of activity because so many DTS students had arrived. I was invited to go watch Avatar with some of the students. We went out to dinner first at a Turkish restaurant. I sat down by one of the staff of the DTS who I found out recently came over from YWAM Afghanistan. It just so happens that she was in a city that I am reading about right now in a book by Greg Mortenson called “Stones into Schools”. It’s a book about building schools and relationships with people in Afghanistan and Pakistan for kids in those countries. He talks a lot about achieving peace through education; books not bombs. I shared my dreams about someday spending part of my life there while she told me all about the base where she lived. It was great because I got to talk about something I love with somebody else who loves the same thing, and I simply just got to talk. I don’t spend much time talking around here because everybody is so busy, and there are so many people. All day, people are moving from room to room, and new people are arriving and old people are going. It’s crazy how much activity there is, but I am very seldom involved in anything. I don’t want to infringe on the new DTS students’ arrivals, so I try to stay out of their way. That’s why dinner was good. I finally got to hang out with people and talk to them about our passions. I didn’t go watch the movie with them, though, because I felt like I was intruding on their first night here at YWAM Herrnhut. So here I am, back in the castle. It’s quiet because all of the staff are gone, and the students are still in town. I’m planning on going to bed pretty soon. Sleeping is what I do at night when I finally have no other options, and it usually happens around 9 pm. So, until tomorrow, I will write again. Feel free to write me too. Let me know how you are doing. I’d love to hear. Guten Nacht meine Freunde.

Day 2

I don’t plan on writing everyday like this, but I really have nothing else to do. I woke up this morning at 7:30 to my alarm. I had been sleeping since 8 pm the previous night, and when I woke up, I was still tired. First thing I did was go to the bathroom to shower. There is something you should know about the bathroom here. It is not like it is back home. I’m staying on the staff floor and using the staff bathroom. There is one room for the toilets and another for the showers. There are both girls and boys toilets in the one room, and there are only two showers in the other room along with washing machines. What that means is that there is a chance that somebody else may be using the bathroom at the same time as you, and that person just might be a girl. Every time I go in there, I check first to make sure there is nobody else in there, because I’m not quite sure on the rules. This morning, I had to shower, and I figured nobody else was here because I’m one of the only people who stays in the castle overnight. So I went in and showered and was about ready to get out when a lady came in to change her laundry. I thought that this must happen often because I had shut the door behind me and she had to have heard the shower going when she came in. I dried off and put the towel on to step out, and she looked at me in shock. The women quickly scurried out of the room, leaving me to feel like I had just done the worst thing ever. It was a good start to the day. I spent the next hours in search of breakfast, but apparently the kitchen is out of food because the DTS doesn’t start until Saturday, so I accepted the fact that my first meal would be lunch, in 5 hours. Staff members started arriving to the castle around 9, and the café opened up. I spent the morning in there reading and writing, talking to some of the new students and staff members. We talked about where we come from (everybody from the US), what music we like, and our own DTSs. They allowed me to eat some of their food, which they normally sell, and you can imagine how grateful I was to eat after thinking I wasn’t going to eat for 4 more hours. I spent most of the day in the café because I really had no clue what else to do. I didn’t want to come here just to bum around and take advantage of a place to stay, but there is all sorts of craziness happening in the castle this week because of the arrival of new students. After lunch, I washed the dishes, which reminded me of being back in San Francisco YWAM. It felt good to finally do something semi-worthy of paying the people back for all they had done for me so far. The dishes only lasted an hour though, so I was again left with nothing to do. I went back up to the café to write more. My journal is filling up fast. Around 5 pm, the staff left and they took all of the students with them into town. I was left alone in the castle again. I told myself that I wouldn’t eat dinner until 6, so I had some time to fill. As I was walking towards the café, where my new food is, I was stabbed in the chest by a foam sword. A little girl attacked me out of the dark and through a sword towards me, which I was supposed to defend myself with. I would’ve been a little more frightened by the jabbing had I not seen that the culprit was an 8-year old girl. We fought for about 10 minutes, the whole time she was actually trying to hit me while I was asking her questions that she refused to answer. After I told her I had to cook dinner, she let me proceed on my way to the kitchen. I checked out what was available for me to eat; it wasn’t stuff that I would normally get myself, but since it was given to me, I took whatever I could. I found in the refrigerator bread, chicken, tomatoes, Swiss cheese, tuna, butter, Gouda, peppers, caramel, and nutella. I made myself something I’ve never had before: two sandwiches
1. Bread, Swiss cheese, chicken, sliced tomatoes, caramel, and nutella.
2. Bread, Swiss cheese, caramel, and nutella.
Tasty. A real German diet, I’d say. We’ll see how I feel from eating the strange mixture in a little bit. Now, dinner is over and I’m again left with nothing to pass the time. My Internet time is limited, so I to ration it everyday. I think I might go through the woods again, now that I know the path. There are a couple old hidden bridges that are pretty neat. It’s pretty cold outside, but there’s nothing to do inside. I’m pretty sure there are wolves out in the forest too; we’ll see.

Willkommen

And so it begins, the great and terrible adventure of my 22nd year. As I’m sitting here waiting to board the United plane to Frankfurt at gate C16, I hear a voice I’ve grown accustomed to hearing over the past 7 months. It’s the voice of Aaron Weiss and his friends; singing about existence and the beauties of God. It’s the words that he’s saying that have shaped my life immensely since I came home from San Francisco last year. How appropriate that I continue to listen to those same words as I begin my time away once again from everything that I’ve known for so long. I’m sitting here on the bench alone, but I do not feel lonely. I feel excitement coming from somewhere deep inside of me. It’s that excitement which disguises the sadness and fear. I know some things about what is in store for me in the next six months, but there are many more things that I do not know. I don’t know logistical things like train schedules to the places I’m staying, and I also don’t know who I will meet. I don’t know where I will travel to, and I don’t know how I’m going to feel when I lay down to sleep in Herrnhut tomorrow night. I don’t know a lot of things, but that’s ok. For now, as I sit here waiting, those things that I don’t know don’t really matter. Some of the unknowns will be fun and exciting, but I’m sure there are some that won’t. I guess it’s all of those unknowns that are going to make this chapter both great AND terrible. So for now, I will continue waiting in anticipation for what is about to come. I have no clue when I will get the chance to write again. Until then, smile when you think of me because I can assure you that no matter where I am or what is going on, I will be growing....

I made it to Frankfurt. Our flight took off on time, we had no stops, there were no problems, but we got here 45 minutes later than expected. I don’t really know how. So I ran from my gate of arrival to my gate of departure, thinking it was only a 2 minute distance because of what the flight attendant told me, going through a passport checkpoint and a security check, only to find out that the plane had already left when I got to the very last gate in the airport. Feeling a little defeated, I was sent to an information desk that I had run past earlier to find out that the next plane would be leaving in 2 hours. At least there’s free coffee from a little machine that looks quite powerful with 12 different drink selections to choose from. I guess this is what I expected, to experience the unexpected....

I'm finally in Herrnhut, in a castle. It's been a little crazy since Frankfurt. The flight to Dresden was only about an hour, so I landed around 10:40 into a place that seemed to have nothing. There was no place to exchange currencies, no Internet, no phones, nothing. Maybe it was because I hadn’t slept in awhile, or maybe it was because everything was in a different language, but I felt completely lost. I was supposed to be in a city called Loebau at 11, but I couldn’t find a ticket to get on the train that was going to take me there. Eventually, I got a ticket on a train that left at noon and would arrive at 1 pm, but I got kicked off the train after three stops because apparently the ticket I purchased was only for people with a certain train pass, which I didn’t have. In fear of a large fine or getting arrested, I jumped off at the next stop only to find myself somewhere in the suburbs of Dresden. At this point, I was worrying about the lady who was supposed to pick me up. What was she going to think when I didn’t show up and there was no way for her to get a hold of me? There was no way I could reach her either. Nobody seemed to have a cell phone, or maybe they just didn’t want to let me use it. Aside from the fact that I wasn’t in Loebau, I was also at a train stop in the middle of nowhere with no real idea of where to go. I worked my way across the tracks to find myself a new ticket, this one being the correct one, which would be leaving for Goerlitz in 10 minutes. An old man with one arm helped point me in the direction of that one. So, at 12:16, 75 minutes after I was supposed to meet a person from YWAM, I boarded a train that would take me over an hour to get to Loebau. My nerves were raised when the ticket lady came around, but this time she just gave me a stamp of approval. I asked several people to use their “handys”, but I guess nobody has cell phones. The train ride was beautiful. We went through the countryside of East Germany. The area that had once been occupied by Soviets still seemed as if it were lacking something. Small villages of one-room houses crowded the tracks on both sides, but then there would be picturesque neighborhoods of old rectangular shaped buildings. German shepherds could be seen in the back yards of several places, racing along the fence to catch the train. We went through forests of tall naked trees clothed only with snow. Around 1 pm, I got off the train at a small station in Loebau (Sachs). Again, I asked to use phones, but nobody would let me. Not even the pay phone worked, so I started into town in search of a business that might be so generous as to let me make a call to my host. I was looking for Internet cafes and churches; two places that would be sure to have what I needed. Instead, I found a little old lady named Frau Lehman. She led me to an empty church, going right inside even though the sign said closed and then to a music school. I told her where I was from and what I was doing, and she told me about the effects of the post-war DDR on East Germany. She showed me signs of economic decay throughout the city, and told me about her lack of hope in the youth who could be seen crowding the streets smoking cigarettes and snorting comments at us as we walked by. It was in the music school that I found a phone to dial Carolin, my contact. She said that she had already been in town to find me, but when I didn’t show up she went home to contact the trains about my whereabouts. We agreed to meet back on the other side of the city Frau Lehman had just led me through at the train station. Frau Lehman led me halfway, but then stopped to say goodbye and good luck at a store she had to visit. I found my way back to the station, through the crowds of teenagers recently released from school. Just before Carolin arrived, somebody else came to visit me. It was Frau Lehman, and she came with 10 Euros and the advice to take a taxi next time. She said that the money was for a phone call should I need to make one, and wished me good luck again. Carolin got me and drove me out of Loebau through more countryside to a little town called Herrnhut. We drove through more woods, and eventually ended up at the grandest YWAM base I’ve ever seen. It’s an old castle, and it houses a lot of people. It’s here that I sit now writing this post, in a large room to myself drinking some kind of tea while looking out the window at the surrounding woods. Great and terrible today and yesterday have been. But to think, this is just the start.